Kihin Ranno - Utena's Not-So-Virgin Wedding
And thus begins another dream where
the dreamer is Utena... Only this one was at her wedding. O.o And
it would be good to point out that I had this dream directly after
watching the Utena movie... And spending the whole day reading up
on the series... So everyone who looked different in the movie is
about how they looked here... With the exception of a certian long-legged
older man who was not like the movie... *drools*
Anyway, for some unknown reason, Utena (long wavy
hair from the movie) and Touga (dressed in the movie uniform now that
I think of it...) were getting married... How that came about (and
what the hell she was on when she said yes) is absolutely beyond me...
In any event, we were at the alter, and the priest who was performing
the ceremony looked like a human version of Chu-Chu... I know it sounds
impossible, but I swear to go that is what he looked like.
Anyway, then Chu-chu man says, "If anyone wishes
to question just why the hell Utena is wearing white on her wedding
day, even though she slept with Akio when she was fourteen or just
to plain contest this ridiculous union, speak now or forever hold
I (being Utena) was quite peeved at the mention
of my virginity and said as much... Touga was just kinda looking at
me like he was about to jump me and take me right there... There was
nothing but silence until Chu-Chu man repeated himself eyeing the
door as if he was waiting or someone to enter...
When who comes through the door but Anthy in the
Rose Bride dress, movie style. She looked mad as hell and said, "Oh
for heaven's sake, I leave you two alone for half an hour and here
you are getting married! Touga, where's your other hand?"
On my (Utena's) butt of course. Where else would
Anyway, once Anthy figures that out, she pounces
on Touga... And needless to say begins kicking the crap out of him.
O.o Well... It is Touga... So one would think he would be able to
over power, as he has done with thousands of women before her (and
he had done it to her as well), but for some reason it just felt...
oddly right and predictable at the time. But now I must say, that
it was the most ridiculous looking thing I had seen at the time...
Anthy actually hitting someone... After getting hit so many times....
But I digress... So I am standing there with my
arms crossed over my chest going, "Well how long until this nonsense
is over with? I may as well just watch everyone else..."
So I made the biggest mistake of my life by turning
around to see what everyone else was doing...
A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko were the first things I saw...
They were all sitting at a table (that had just magically appeared
in the main aisle) smoking cigars and playing poker... For some odd
reason, Mikage was looking over one of their shoulders and telling
them what to do... And purposely making her lose. --; Why Mikage I
will never know...
Then I see Miki, Kozue, and yes, a living rubber
ducky... No I am not lying, the rubber ducky was walking and talking...
And poking Miki in the butt with Saturn's glaive. I would really like
to know just where he got a hold of it, but I digress once more. Miki
has his stopwatch out, timing how long it takes for the rubber ducky
to take the glaive away and everytime he stops it, he yells at the
duck... but whilst the glaive is on his butt, he has virtually no
reaction to it... As for Kozue, she's just watching with a smile on
her face while tossing a tweezers between her hands... And not the
happy kind... More like the oddly aroused kind... And quite frankly,
the tweezers and the glaive being in the same place is oddly disturbing...
I don't know why but it gives me chills...
Anyway, then I look back over to Anthy and Touga...
And make the discovery that you can see through Touga's blood as well
as his hair! And then I look over at Nanami who is trying to order
her cronies to save her big brother Touga, but they won't do it out
of fear of Anthy beating them... But even Mitsuru was refusing to
help. ;_; I love that kid...
Next I hear some screaming coming from the back
of the room... It is none other than Wakaba chasing the Goat of Lucifer...
Err... Shiori around the chapel. Wakaba was brandishing a spatula
of all things and whipping Shiori with it. Shiori kept screaming,
"Juri-hime (yes hime... I don't know why... but that's how it
was) help me!"
Wakaba looked downright... evil. O.o I mean it,
her eyes were alight with malice! --; Err... Sorry...
Moving along, then Shiori decided to hide behind
Saionji. Wakaba immediately began drooling over Saionji, who was being
surprisingly helpful to solve the problem... but not without ulterior
motives! He finally said, "Let's solve this dispute with a three
way in the choir loft," both girl's agreed and all three started
quite literally skipping to the back of the church... Saionji skipping...
it was just... So very wrong....
Then I looked over to Juri... who was sitting on
Ruka's lap!! o.O And so I call out, "Juri-san! I thought you...
ya know, fenced for the other dueler!" (did I ever say it made
Juri kinda smiled and said, "Well I finally
decided to give in and do what every other character on this show
has done... become bi," she then hopped off of Ruka and said,
"Oh and learn how to properly resurrect a person. That was most
And I kinda sigh and say, "What next? Are Miki,
Kozue, Juri, and Ruka going to participate in an orgy?"
Then Ruka calls out, "And the duck! Don't forget
I quickly looked away and tried to find something
else to occupy my vision with... And of course I see the Akio car...
Knowing full well what the Akio car was associated with, I became
incensed... I was practically the only one in the room who wasn't
getting any, and it was most vexing. ^.~
Then who descends from above (complete with light
and angelic chorus) but Akio! ^____^ I (still being Utena) throw myself
at him and say, "Lucifer, get me the hell away from all these
perverse sexual acts!!"
Yes this was said to Akio.
Then Kanae popped up randomly and said, "Get
engaged to him sweetie, then you'll never be involved in anything
sexual ever again..."