You know what? I hate html.I wish I was doing almost anything else.Like getting laid. I could be having sex right now, but noooo.I watched Utena lose her virginity again this weekend.That scene is so hot.The fine line between obsession and madness is... what was I saying?GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!!!I want that outfit. I like red and black. What a surprise.This layout took forever to get just right. But that was because I took so many breaks.I never ate glue in kindergarten. Hard to tell, huh?Gio keeps talking about food. What a bitch.LEGS.See, I'm being productive. Now if only I could do this at work, where productive is just a dream...GODDAMMIT STOP TALKING ABOUT FOODYou know, those are the only important things in life. Food, sex, and sleep.Everything else is just window dressing.I have to clean my house still. That sucks.I hate cleaning. I should buy maids.I want to go to a museum, but I don't want to get out of my jammies.I suck at being energetic.Funny, you don't look Druish.


Renaé McElmore - Yelling at Akio Feels Good

i've actually had quite a few dreams revolving around the SKU universe. they're part of the reason i realized how obsessed i was.

this one started out with me wandering around the halls of a very strange school. it was terribly similar to the movie Ohtori, but kind of in a steam punk way. i was searching for someone, but i couldn't for my life remember who it was...

it seemed like every time i turned a corner, i saw the fluttery end of a blue night gown with ruffles at the bottom. i knew that the person who owned these clothes was the person i was looking for, but i still couldn't remember who it was.

at some point, i started getting chased by a giant floating squid--or maybe it was an octopus. it was really weird, and white, and like the size of a blimp. and, it was just ...floating along after me, for some reason, scaring the living bajeezus out of me. i was running from it, through halls, and swimming through lakes. i remember scrambling up over one of those construction tees? like a steel beam, that was kind of doing that weird "movie Ohtori" floaty thing. i almost fell off, trying to get away from that octopus, but i dove off of it, and into a door way. i think i saw Tsuwabuki a few times. he was trying to help me, i think.

once i was inside, i looked around. it looked kind of bare inside. lots of open space... reminds me of the way the Chairman's residence looked in the series, only less gold, and more tan. and... dark. but dark in the way that schools are dark after all the classes have ended. follow?

eventually, i came upon some carpeted stairs. i took the stairs up, and found myself in what appeared to be a really beautiful apartment space. on impulse, i walked into a nearby room, where i finally found who i'd been looking for. Anthy lay naked on a big, soft looking king sized bed that had this bright red fleece comforter. her hair was everywhere, and her eyes were glazed over, as if she was unconscious. i don't know what i expected to feel looking at a naked, unconscious, Anthy, but i dread was not it. it took me completely by surprise, and filled me to the brim. i was horrified, and i couldn't tell why, at first.

then, i heard footsteps. i knew in an instant that it was Akio. he was coming for Anthy, and i knew i couldn't let him get to her. i grabbed her around the waist {she and i were about the same size, so i couldn't just scoop her up into my arms} and dragged her into the next room.

Akio entered the room that we'd just left, and cursed. i was TERRIFIED. he came toward us, even though i was sure he couldn't see us. filled with panic, i dragged Anthy across the hall, and into another room, where i laid her on the floor, and bolted the door. i was so scared, and i didn't know what to do. i cradled her head in my arms, and rocked her, but she just continued to lay limp, eyes wide and clouded. i was so absorbed in mourning over her, that i failed to realize that there was another door to the room. and, Akio strode right in.

i was there on my knees, with Anthy's head on my lap, and when i noticed Akio's legs beside me, my fear turned to anger, and i just turned to him and started beating on his legs with both hands, tears streaming down my face. i was screaming things like, "How could you do this to your sister?!"

he didn't move to stop me or anything. he just stood there and took it. when i finally ran out of steam, and sat there sobbing, i thought to look up him, at his face, because i hadn't in all the time i was freaking out on him. i looked up {and up, and up} at Akio. up past his white dress pants that he was wearing, and the white button up shirt, and into his eyes. he was silent, but there tears streaming down his face.

and for some reason, this image is impressed on my brain deeply, because along with this, his eyes seemed to say a million things. amongst them were that he was filled with anguish... filled with pain... filled with suffering and fear. in his eyes, more than anything, i saw that he was a victim of circumstance, as much as Anthy was.

...i don't know why, but since then, i've been conviced that Akio isn't a bad guy. that he loves his little sister more than anything, and that through years and years of watching her suffer through physical and psychic pain, everything he does, he does for her. ultimately for her*.

...kind of deep, huh? deep and creepy.

{{*that does include the sex... because what better way to destract the mind from the horrible pain of a Thousand Swords of Hate?}}