Rose Bride

Mikiko

I am a terrible woman.

My master, the one to whom I am engaged. The one whose every wish I must obey, the one who directs my life, my mind, my emotions.

I love her.

I should not feel this. I am the Rose Bride; I am a doll without a heart. But oh, this non-existant heart aches so badly... How dare I do this? What right do I have? I should feel nothing but pain...the pain that comes from each sword that is drawn from my breast, the pain that is always accompanied by a small sliver of equally painful hope, the hope that perhaps the blade will be used for something other than a selfish purpose. That the one who wields the sword will become my Prince.

It is a childish, selfish hope that I feel. Or perhaps it is not, of late. He helps her. He descends from his royal grave and helps her. It can only be because she has a noble heart...but now I’m not sure. Because she loves my brother.

I step back from the window, tired of watching the insignificant stars continuing upon their predestined paths through time and space. I turn quietly to look at her, and my nightgown swishes quietly against the cold floor. She is behind me, asleep, that cruelly innocent look upon her face as she snores softly. She promised to protect me forever, held off my brother’s cars that threatened us during her duel with Touga... she made a promise long before that. I can remember. I know she doesn’t, but she is close. The other night, we both had dreams from which we awoke suddenly. But I remember mine. She promised so long ago, and has in her own way kept it. But that was a child’s promise. She can’t possibly keep it forever, can she? Not if Oniisama has anything to do with it. I turn away from her, away from the stars, comfortable in my solitude. It’s better this way, better without my interference.

/Is it really?/

She will keep her promise. I can feel it. And that’s what scares me. She doesn’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I do. I’ve seen the entire game played out countless times, seen each victor’s power slowly eaten away by my brother and his sword, seen them in pain as he takes the weapon created by their souls and angrily hacks away at what he can never have. I allow myself some small amusement, watching his futile attempts at regaining the power he once had. And then the swords come.

This is the part that scares me. Not the swords themselves; I live with their pain every moment of every long day, and the swords themselves only remind me of my deserved guilt in causing my brother to become what he has. What scares me this time is what she will do. My true Prince must take the swords in my place, and I am afraid she will do that. For although I cannot die, she can. And I could not live knowing that she took what is my rightful punishment as the witch that I am.

/But you want to be saved.../

I curl my hands into fists. No. If it would mean her death, I do not want my freedom. But she will try, so I must stop her from trying. And I have only one option.

There is an strangely beautiful view from this vantage point so high in the tower. But it’s cold. I wrap my arms tighter around myself. The cold is of no consequence to me. I am only a doll...

Damn! A door shuts behind me. Without turning around, I know who it is.

"Are you running away?!"

Yes, I am. I can’t bear to see you suffer.

I take a step off the ledge. Not that difficult. Now pick up the other foot.

I feel ironically free as I lose my footing and begin my descent to the Earth. Finally, the game will end, and she will be saved.

No! No, please don’t help me! No... She has my hand in a strong grip, keeping me from doing what I wish. I fall completely limp, hoping that she will let go. Instead, she merely glares at me.

"What are you doing?! Weren’t we going to drink tea and laugh together ten years from now?!"

Yes. Please be angry. Yell at me. Keep me from feeling bad about hurting you ... hurting her? My head tilts slightly, and I can see the expression in her eyes. Yes. She’ll be sad if I die...I fight my own duel with my inner self. Which is better, to garuntee her death or to make her sad?

After she pulls me back up onto the ledge, we talk. I confess my sins to her, as though she were a priest. I tell her how I exploited her innocence for my own selfishness. Why isn’t she mad at me? I’m telling the truth... She should be upset! I have manipulated her no less than my brother has. Why can’t she be angry with me?!

Why...why does she have to care...

"Please. Leave this school. Get out."

It’s my last hope. Half of me hopes she will accept, save herself by getting as far away from this game as possible. The other half...

"How the hell could I do that?"

...rejoices quietly. No! I am so selfish...a cruel woman. How can I do this to her? Tears are streaming down my cheeks. I can’t stop them...

Why does she have to CARE?!

***

When she received the letter, she tore it up, threw it away, had her ring off... for a while, I thought that perhaps she would still be saved, that she wouldn’t be throwing away her life. But she only stayed closer to Akio, latching onto him like a lifeline. Oh, the irony. I started thinking, though. What she values more than her desire to become a prince is her desire to meet the prince that saved her as a child. That prince is quite happy to meet her, according to that letter that she tore up. I’ve put it back together, and I’m sitting on the steps, waiting for her. I can still make her happy. I can let her go to the arena, meet with my brother, and they will live happily ever after. I can deal with myself. I can live with the pain. Anything to make her happy.

She’s coming now. She looks different than she did earlier today, somehow more confident, very much changed. I offer her the note with a small smile.

"You can still go back."

She smiles at me, lifting up her hand. She has put the ring back on. She has made this decision herself.

I am suddenly very scared.

***

The trek to the arena seems longer than ever, and we begin our routine in the gondola. My body is replaced by a rose bush, while I appear halfway up and work the magic that gives her uniform the additions that make it more princely. Once we reach the top, framed by roses, she looks over to me, offering her hand. I take it. I’m not sure if it is for her comfort or mine.

It seems that Akio has made the appropriate changes in decor for this duel. The arena is much more eerie than normal, and suddenly, Dios’s grave appears before us. I feel her stiffen beside me when she recognises the form that is placed on the side of it. Suddenly, a beam of light reveals the angel, the devil, the prince, that is my brother.

She drops my hand and I step back a bit, allowing her to speak with Akio without my interference. Suddenly I am transported to the bottom of a flight of stairs, my dress replaced by one reminiscent of our childhood. I am not surprised; he does this every time. As I sit in silence and remember every reason that I deserve this fate, he promises her so much: the opportunity to meet her prince, to live happily ever after in the castle. Yes. Join him. Please. If it will make you happy...

"What will happen to Himemiya?"

No! No. Please don’t ask about me. I can continue like this. Yes, as a witch, like Akio tells her. Don’t feel sorry for me. You look so beautiful in that dress...you are meant to be the princess...

What is she doing?! Oh God...don’t let her do that, don’t let her take that sword. I no longer have any choice. I know she’s going to fight; I know by the look in her eyes. But she can’t win.

She’s back in her duellist uniform now, and the arena has changed into the planetarium. I merely sit on the couch, my attire changed to my normal dress, and listen to her protest Akio’s treatment of me in this room. But I deserve it...don’t you see? Why can’t you understand that I am the one at fault here? It is my behaviour that made Akio what he is. You have to accept that... I have... yes, I enjoy being a witch... I enjoy my punishment. Now he is sitting on the couch beside me, my head upon his knee. My mind drifts slightly as he continues to speak to her, then I am painfully jolted back to reality. He has pulled one of the swords from my chest, an chilling sound of metal against metal forcing itself upon her ears. She winces. I think she knows, subconciously, what is to come.

Now they’ve begun duelling, the other easily parrying the other’s thrusts as I sit demurely and observe. It is somehow ironic how every other duel I have watched in this round of the game has been over the posession of me; now, it is over who gets the chance to see me suffer. I laugh inwardly, when suddenly, everything goes to Hell.

I don’t know what it is she said; I can’t read her lips from here. All I know is that now everything is falling apart, the castle is coming down in pieces, and my brother’s illusion is crumbling. He looks just as confused as I am, and while he is momentarily distracted when she suddenly lunges at him. He parries just in time, but is still being overcome by her sheer strength of will. I leap up from my place on the couch, my eyes widening. No...she can’t win...

I run as quickly as I can over to the two of them, myself unsure of what precisely I intend to do. Akio pushes me behind her, his sword transferring itself to my hand. I know what he wants me to do, but only I understand exactly what it will mean. I lay my cheek against her shoulder as I plunge the sword into her back.

"Hime...miya...doushite?"

She sounds so disbelieving. I push the blade in further, and ignore the sudden torrent of pain I feel from this, reminding myself that I did warn her, I confessed that I had used her, and it was she who continued to stand by my side. Now I pull the sword out and toss it away, unable to continue to look at it. I cannot ignore the guilt I feel.

"Doushite?"

Because I can’t let this happen. Because I can’t let someone take what is rightfully intended for me. Because I cannot live knowing you died to save me. Because I love you.

"Because you’re a girl. You can never be my prince."

This lie is more painful than the swords have ever been. I suddenly regret what I have done; not so much that I have stabbed her, but that I have lied and by doing so dissolved all the ideals she lived for. I am still beside her when I hear my brother ask for the sword. I know that I have lied, and I know that her soul sword, the Prince’s sword, is capable of opening the Rose Gate - if it is wielded by the true Prince. But I also know that it is deeply connected to her spirit, and every hit the sword takes will be translated back to her already failing body. She is in enough pain as it is...I can’t stand to see her hurt any further...I stand up anyway, her sword in hand. I have done all I can to save her. Now I must fulfill my duties as the Rose Bride.

"Anthy. The sword."

He is much more insistent now. I take another step forward, glancing up at him before I had him the sword. He is crying. I want to laugh in his face, shatter what I know is a completely false mask of sympathy for my suffering. Instead, I play along with his little game, tormenting him by showing the pity I have for the pathetic creature he has become. He finally turns with her sword in his hand and begins his journey to the Rose Gate.

I too have a place to be, and I only begin to move when I find myself unable to continue forward. One of her hands is gripping the hem of my dress, trying to keep me from the inevitable. She keeps telling me not to go, sounding so disappointed that she cannot stand up and stop me. I again push aside the sadness I feel and cause myself to disappear from the dress and reappear above the arena, prepared to take my punishment.

***

Yet again, I am provided with an ironically beautiful vantage point from which I can see all that is going on. I can see her below me, staring upward with a look of perfect horror upon her face, while my brother, oblivious to our suffering, makes his way to the Rose Gate. By the time I glance back at her, she seems to have blacked out. Good. This next part will be less painful for her.

Suddenly, as he covers the last few metres to the Gate, I hear the chanting begin. The chilling words of the world that is responsible for my suffering: "Witch! Witch! Infernal witch!" Yet even as the sound freezes my soul, I feel the truth behind each word. The swords, forged from the world’s hatred of me, neatly bypass my brother and I can only close my eyes as they encircle me and begin, one by one, to drive themselves into my body.

I ignore the pain as much as I can, I block out the sounds of the chanting and the metal, and I only meditate on my own worthlessness. I am used to the pain of the swords, my constant torture, and it is only the shame that hurts my soul.

Yet I still feel, empathetically, every blow he makes with her soul sword, his futile attempts to crack his own shell, to bring revolution to a world that is nothing but an illusion of his own creation.

Suddenly, all is silent. The swords have stopped, and they only hang in midair for a moment before falling away, and I suddenly find myself in a coffin.

In the coffin where I have existed for centuries. But I had forgotten. I had forgotten that my body lives only in here, and my soul can interact with the outside world only by the grace of my brother and his powerful machine of illusions. But I am painfully reminded as I curl my long-unused body into a fetal position and close my eyes, trying to drift back into the deep sleep of illusion. This foolish dream of my prince has ended.

I hear something around me, but I pay the sound no heed and try harder to ignore the pain I am feeling right now. The sound gets louder and I suddenly feel light against my closed eyelids. I slowly open my eyes, only to meet a pair of pained blue eyes.

"Hime...miya?"

My eyes widen now. Oh, God...she has done it. I cannot believe it. No one has ever been able to do it, and she should not have. For God’s sake, I tried to end her life! She shouldn’t have been alive to do it, let alone have wanted to, after all that I have done to her. She opens the coffin lid even wider, the scraping sound increasing my disbelief in what she has managed to do. All that my brother had worked for...

"I’m so glad to finally meet you..."

Her voice is so much younger... just as it did when she first saw me as a child and at that time vowed to become a prince. She has remembered... I look up at her fearfully, wondering what I will see in her face.

"Don’t be afraid of our meeting."

But I am afraid! Oh, you don’t know what this means... if you’ve opened the Gate, and now this coffin... you have to save yourself! I look at the hand she has just offered me, and shake my head, tears beginning to stream uncontrollably down my cheeks.

"No! You have to go. You have to run! Hurry! The swords..."

"Take my hand, Himemiya! Take my hand!"

"Hurry! The swords are coming, you have to hurry! Run!"

I plead with her, beg her. She only ignores me.

"Himemiya...my hand..."

I can hear them now, behind her, and I know she can too by the suddenly fearful look in her eyes. But her face becomes determined again, and she reaches further for me. At that moment, something in me changes. I look at her hand again, straining to meet mine, and tentatively begin to reach for it. I glance back up at her, and she is nodding slowly, the happiness beginning to emanate from her dying body. The flow of my tears strengthens as I realize all that she has gone through, fighting off death, fear, and most of all, my brother... I realize that she has gone through all the possible trials and obstacles, and she has reached her final goal. This is all she wants to do. And I realize, with a certain degree of shock... that I believe in her.

I finally grasp her hand, and we readjust our grips on each other so it is stronger, when suddenly, one of us slips. Our eyes meet momentarily and I see the sadness and guilt she feels as I fall endlessly toward the hard Earth below me.

***

The first thing that I am aware of is that I am in my true body. My existence right now is no longer an illusion of my brother’s. I open my eyes slowly, preparing myself to meet the finite wood of my coffin... yet as I begin to take in my surroundings, I hear soft snoring beside me that I know belongs to Chuchu, and I find that I am not in my coffin, but rather in my dormitory in my brother’s tower. My eyes open wider and I am now fully awake. This can only mean...

As I sit up in bed, I am hit with a series of images from the Academy. Juri teaching a fencing class, ready to begin Shiori’s lesson. Miki training Tsuwabuki as secretary, while Kozue looks on happily. Touga and Saionji practicing kendo together as friends as Nanami makes them both tea. Wakaba conversing with a boyfriend in the hallway before being glomped by a friend. And I am shocked to discover through their thoughts that not a single one of them remembers Her.

I dress quickly in my school uniform and hurry with Chuchu to my brother’s office. I have to find out if it is true. I enter the room without knocking and walk quietly over to his desk, somehow aware that he has no idea that I am my own human being, not one of his machine’s creations. He finally notices me and speaks.

"It’s over. She didn’t create a revolution after all; no one even remembers her. Ah, well. We’ll begin all over again, with the Rose Signets. I’ll need your help, Anthy."

It doesn’t take me long to weigh this information for myself, and I allow myself my first genuine smile in a long time. I know what has happened. I know that she did cause a revolution. Although it did not unleash some great power for her to wield, it manifested itself in the changed students of the Academy. All the Student Council members are at peace with themselves, all their Black Rose counterparts accepting of their lives. But what is most obvious is that I stand here as my own person, not as a puppet easily manipulated by my brother, and that can mean only one thing. She has freed me.

"She did cause a revolution; just not the kind you expected. You think she has died, but that person has only disappeared from this realm of existence. She is still out there. You, you’re still in your coffin, you always have been, and you can go ahead and stay here playing prince. But I... I have to go."

My smile widens as I set my glasses down on his desk like I had for so many nights with him, mocking him as I feign submission to him. I watch Chuchu place his tie next to them, then I set my pet on my shoulder and turn to leave.

"W...wait! Where are you going? You can’t leave! Anthy! ANTHY!"

I laugh a bit. The fool.

"Sayonara... oniisama."

***

I wait for Chuchu to finish his goodbyes with one of the garden’s frogs, then allow him to take his place on my shoulder. Picking up my suitcase, I straighten my hat, then walk over the Academy’s property line in my first step of my quest. For the first time in my life I feel truly happy.

Somewhere, I hear the echo of her voice. "Ne, Himemiya. Someday..."

I smile, my eyes welling up with tears. "Someday, we’ll shine together. I’m coming to find you, Utena."

_____________

   ~Mikiko~