You know what? I hate html.I wish I was doing almost anything else.Like getting laid. I could be having sex right now, but noooo.I watched Utena lose her virginity again this weekend.That scene is so hot.The fine line between obsession and madness is... what was I saying?GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!!!I want that outfit. I like red and black. What a surprise.This layout took forever to get just right. But that was because I took so many breaks.I never ate glue in kindergarten. Hard to tell, huh?Gio keeps talking about food. What a bitch.LEGS.See, I'm being productive. Now if only I could do this at work, where productive is just a dream...GODDAMMIT STOP TALKING ABOUT FOODYou know, those are the only important things in life. Food, sex, and sleep.Everything else is just window dressing.I have to clean my house still. That sucks.I hate cleaning. I should buy maids.I want to go to a museum, but I don't want to get out of my jammies.I suck at being energetic.Funny, you don't look Druish.


The Akio Car Saga - Chapter Three
The Akio Car Takes a Ride


Akio sat in his study, wearing a bright red smoking jacket, and chewing on the end of a brightly colored pipe. Bubbles of all shapes, sizes, and colors streamed continuously from the end of it, heedless of his breath.

“What does it say, onii-sama?” Anthy said excitedly.

Akio was fixedly concentrating on a wristwatch clipped to his wrist. The large numbers read 10:59:42, and were counting down fast.

“Ten minutes.” Akio said.

Anthy made a squealing noise, “Oh, I can’t wait!” she said, “Let’s get in the car!”

Akio held up one hand, “Just wait a little bit longer.. We want them to suffer… Just a little bit..” he said, still staring at the wristwatch. The time now read 10:36:21, 10:35:15, 10:34:11…. And counting…

The Akio-car’s dash read the same time, and even the endless buzzing of the electricity used to make the clock go seemed suspended. Only ten minutes left.

Meanwhile, in another dorm room…

“Utena, are you all right?” Miki asked, worriedly, dropping the cute little baby dress he had been holding.

Utena was sitting on the floor, clutching her rather large belly, and panting, “No.. I… I’m fine..” she said between deep breaths. They were rhythmic and soothing, for all of them had been attending Anthy’s lamaze classes. When he first found out about it, Miki had been pleased.

“Miss Anthy is so good at things like that..” he had said. He didn’t think about how weird it was that there was even a lamaze class being held at a high school, or about the fact that the girl who was putting it on was supposed to be fourteen years old….

But anyway, now Utena was turning pink, and it wasn’t just her hair.

“Miss Utena?” Miki said, concerned.

“I’m.. I’m fine… Miki..” Utena said, “I just think…” she paused for a few more breaths, “That the baby is coming now…”

Miki stopped as the words sifted down through his head. Now, being the genius that Miki was, he hadn’t considered what they were going to do, or where they were going to go, once the baby actually came. They had gotten along fine without a doctor before, which was a miracle, considering the fact that none of the girls had anything close to child-bearing hips. But Miki was careful not to say that to Juri-sempai, lest she take it personally. Still, all this added up to the fact that Miki had no idea what to do.

“Con-contractions and everything! We can’t leave the school! Are you ok? Is the Baby ok? But what about the Rijichou, can’t he do something?” Miki panicked.

“Calm down, Miki…” Utena said, “I’ll be fine… probably for about ten more minutes.. Then I’ll need to see a doctor…”

“Ten minutes..” Miki said, “Ten minutes..” He fumbled for his stopwatch, but found that it was already counting down the time.. 10:01:15, 10:00:23…

At about the same time..

Juri paused on the bed, where she was facing Saionji’s back, poking it with a sharp stick. Okay, no, I haven’t made Juri straight and a sadist.. Here’s how their psychic conversation went..

Juri: I hate you..

Saionji: I know…

Juri: You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me..

Saionji: Hey now, you haven’t been a bowl of cherries either… I finally get some and it has to be with the school… ::blush::

Juri: Whatever. If you think I’m the only one, you obviously don’t pay any attention to the girls in this school…

Saionji: Fine, do whatever you want.. Supposedly, I’m the one who ruined your life..

Juri: Yes, why yes you are. Anyway, what I’d really like to do is poke you with a sharp and pointy stick.

Saionji: I don’t care.

And so it started. At about the time when Saionji was about to stop her, Juri sat up in the bed.

“Ow..” she said, clutching her stomach. Saionji turned around, noticing that the excruciating pain had subsided somewhat..

“What is it? What’s wro-“ he was cut off by the blunt end of the stick, smashing into his nose.

“Shut up.” Juri said, her voice almost as blunt as the stick.

Saionji sat up, sneezing multiple times, “What the hell is wrong?” He asked, barely able to keep the note of panic out of his voice.

“I’m having contractions…” Juri said sharply, grabbing his face, and pursing his lips with her hand, “Let’s go.” She said, picking up the bag that she had prepared.

“What?” Saionji said, blinking, “Where?”

“You’ll see.” She said. The digital alarm clock on the dresser read: 9:29:21… 9:28:32

“Mikage….” Nanami said, in a whiny tone of voice.

Mikage sighed the sigh of the long-suffering, “If this is about the curtains again, or the coffins, or the butterflies or shoes, no, Nanami, I will not change my décor for you…” Mikage sighed.

“No…” Nanami said, “It’s not that… It’s just… Oh HELP ME OUT HERE!”

“Yes, Miss Nanami?” called the two minions, who were busying themselves in the other room, decorating the only room Mikage would allow them to have. Aiko hung red and yellow bows on every eave and wall, and from the curtains, Yuuko was busily sewing more ribbons onto the bedspread. However, they abandoned their chores when they heard her call, and lined up in front of her, army style.

She ignored their salutes though, as she was too busy being in incredible distress.

“Yes?” They said in unison.

Nanami frowned, “Tell Mikage what’s wrong!” she said, clutching her belly.

The minions were very quickly on her, feeling her forehead, listening to her heart through a stethoscope, and peering into her ears with a light.

They lined up, somehow suddenly clad in surgeon’s robe, and presented a clipboard with their prognosis.

Mikage took it, and frowned at the contents, “Dropsy?” he said.

The minions blinked, and snatched back the clipboard. Aiko took a magic marker and scribbled something, handing it back to Mikage.

“Oh.. Labor..” he said, relieved, “Wait.. Labor?!”

The minions nodded, smiling, and then blinked.

“HELLO!!!” Nanami said, “Labor here!”

“Oh! Labor!” the minions shouted, “We have to do something!”

Mikage blinked, “Well, quickly, let’s get ready to go!”

“WHERE!?” the three girls shouted in unison, and in great distress.

Mikage grimaced, “We’ll figure something out…” he said.

The minions rushed into Nanami’s room, to find her ultra-fashionable maternity clothes, and pack for her. In their servitude-induced frenzy, they didn’t notice that the gold-trimmed mirror on Nanami’s wall wasn’t reflecting their frenetic motion, but a bunch of numbers, counting swiftly down. 8:54:65, 8:53:22….

In one of the girl’s dorms, a strange sight had appeared. It was one that no one at Ohtori ever expected to see, a strange and surreal sight.

“Hello?” Touga said, blinking, “Is anyone there?” he knocked on the door again.

Touga Kiryuu was being shunned… by a GIRL.

“NO ONE IS HOME!” came the voice of an incredibly pissed Wakaba.

“But.. You called me…” Touga said, his voice closer to whine than his customary smooth-as-silk inflection.

“I thought I needed you, but I DON’T!” she said.

“Well… can I at least come in?” he asked.

“Why?” she said, sounding strained.

Touga really didn’t want to say ‘Because if I come home after less than a half an hour, it’ll look bad…’ because he knew she would never let him in then. However, he was tired of thinking, so he was about to, when he was saved.

“AHHH-!” came Wakaba’s voice from inside, something between a scream and a moan, and very low, as if suppressed.

At the sound of pain in a feminine voice, Touga’s brain clacked into ‘Chivalrous Princey-type guy’ mode.

“I’ll save you!” He called in a very Superman/Prince Valiant voice, and leapt into the door, leading with his shoulder.

Wakaba heard a muffled thump outside, and lifted an eyebrow, “What was that?” she shouted in a somewhat breathless voice.

Touga’s voice came whimpery and squeaky, “Nothing…” he said.

She sighed, and with more pity for a poor dumb creature than anything else, opened the door.

“Thank you..” Touga said, voice still somewhat wheezy. He stood up, smoothing his hair, “Now.. What’s the trouble?” he asked, smiling with sparkling teeth.

She collapsed back onto the bed with an outburst of breath, cradling her round stomach, “I don’t know, but I think I’m in labor.”

Touga felt his perfectly manicured exterior cracking. His face fell about as far as it ever could, “L- labor..” he squeaked.

“YES, Labor, you moron!” Wakaba said, “Do I have to spell it for you?” she asked.

“No.. no.. But, just.. wait a minute.” He said, ruffling his hair back in a way that would drive any non-pregnant woman wild. He bit his lip, “The only hospital near here is the Our Lady of the Flaming Heart…. That’s much too far away to walk.” Suddenly, he snapped his fingers and grinned.

“So….?” Wakaba said.

“So I have an idea.” Said Touga, “Let’s get outta here.” He said, grabbing her by the arm. As the jerk jerked the pregnant woman out the door, the clock on the wall seemed to be counting down, 8:00:45, 7:59:23…

“Miss Kozue?” called Mitsuru. He was wearing an apron that was much too large for him, and carrying a load of silk panties and sheets, “Do you want me to fold these, or would you rather I just strew them about the room?”

Kozue didn’t answer, so Mitsuru peeked his head around the corner, “Miss Kozue?” he said, eyes tightly shut. He couldn’t hear any noises, but he had been surprised before by one of Kozue’s many ‘male friends’, and he was much too innocent to be exposed to any more sexual acts.

When he peeked out of one eye, he was relieved to see only Kozue, straining and clutching her belly.

“Mitsuru…” she moaned.

“Uh…” he said, eyes wide, face rapidly turning bright red, “Uh…..”

“Mitsuru… I’m in labor…” she said.

“Oh.” Mitsuru said, visibly relaxed, “I was worried that it was…. Something else.”

“No, I wouldn’t make you do that again…” (Author: Ha ha! Wouldn’t you like to know!) She groaned, “Just… we need to get to a hospital. Now.”

“Kozue! I can’t drive.. Not after.. that..” he demurred, pursing his cute little-boy lips.

“Well, maybe the police would let you by if they found out that you were about to have a SON!” Kozue shouted, spitting.

“They didn’t believe that the last time…” he said, pressing the tips of his fingers together..

She paused, “No, I guess they didn’t. Well, let’s take a walk, then..”

Mitsuru frowned, ducking his head.

“Oh yeah… I forgot about that…” Kozue said flatly, “I’ll just call the dean, then.” She turned to him, “Do I get you into the trouble or what?” she asked Mitsuru, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged.

She had lifted the phone and was just about to dial when she saw that the LCD display of the phone was reading a number countdown: 7:00:34, 6:56:33, 6:45:09…

“What the fu-“ she said, and Mitsuru covered his virgin ears.

Meanwhile, in another totally unrelated place…

“Ah…” said Keiko.

“Hm?” asked Shiori.

“I just had the strangest feeling….” Keiko said, “Like we were missing out on something….”

“Oh?” Shiori said.

“Yeah… like something really important was about to happen and we were missing it…” she said, frowning.

“That’s stupid,” Shiori said, “We have all that’s important right here.”

“Aw…” Keiko said, and they made out.

Mhm… The Author wishes to comment that she is remaining neutral on the previously stated arrangement. Mhg…

Miki was having a time, it seems, attempting to balance both Utena and a midsize duffel bag on the handlebar of his bike. He could barely see over Utena’s rotund belly, but he didn’t mention it, lest she cleave him to death with her eyes. He hadn’t known her to do so before the pregnancy, but there were a few times when she had given him a look that raised the hair on the back of his neck. He had learned to mostly keep quiet since then. However, the lack of vision had led to some alarming results.

“Ah!” Utena said, scowling, “Miki! If you go over another bump, I’m going to fly off this thing!”

“I’m sorry, Miss Utena, but…” he trailed off.

“You know, if you had thought a little more about this before slinging me over your handlebars, then maybe we’d be a little better off, hm?” Utena said, “We could have asked the Rijichou for help..”

“Yes, but then what would he have asked for in return…” Miki said, his eyes wide.

They both shuddered at the thought.

Utena groaned, “Well, if we don’t find a hospital soon, you’re going to have to birth this baby yourself…” Utena said.

“M-me?” Miki said, “But I’m…” he had barely finished his thought when he heard a familiar voice.

“Utena Tenjou!” called a hate-filled voice.

“Miki!?” said a surprised one.

He and Utena turned their doe-faces towards the voices, but barely had they noted them before they heard a familiar groovy music…

About thirty seconds earlier…

“Saionji, you bastard! I hate you, and I hate your mother, and I hate your best friend!” Juri screeched.

“You and me both…” Saionji murmured.

“WHAT WAS THAT?” Juri snapped.

“Nothing…” Saionji said.

Juri was draped unpleasantly over Saionji’s running back, her belly getting in the way of any comfort.

“Can’t you run a little less jerkily? Do you want your baby to turn out mentally retarded?” Juri bitched.

“If you would just shut up, I could maybe think of a way out of this situation…” Saionji said.

“Be my guest.” Juri said, leaping with amazing deftness off his back, despite her gravid condition. She crossed her arms.

“Well, we could…” he had only just spoken when he heard a voice.

“…birth this baby yourself…”

He turned with a growl.

“M-Me…” another said, just as Saionji blurted out,

“Utena Tenjou!” in a hate-filled voice.

“Miki-kun?” Juri said, surprised.

They had only just spoken before they heard two new voices.

“Saionji?” called a bemused voice.

“Arisugawa…” said another.

In attempting to turn and see the others, Juri and Saionji were blinded by a pair of headlights…

Thirty seconds earlier… again…

Nanami was gravely inconvenienced by the large belly that was in front of her, but she was somewhat satisfied that she would get to the hospital in time. Mikage had managed to procure a moped for the event.

“Now, just sit tight… If I remember correctly, there’s a hospital just around the corner…” Mikage said.

“Around the corner? Which hospital?” Nanami asked, confused.

“Why, the Veteran’s hospital, of course?” Mikage said, as if it was all too obvious.

“Veteran’s hospital?” Nanami asked, “But that was torn down thirty years ago!”

“What?” Mikage said, but he was unable to finish his thought because, you guessed it, they heard voices. Not the fun crazy-kind type, but the boring kind.

“Be my guest.” They heard, and then a sharp tok!

“Well, we could…” Said the voice, just as Nanami recognized it.

The moped rounded the corner, just as the two in question turned to face two more.

“Saionji?” Nanami said, bemused.

“Arisugawa…” Mikage stated, just recognizing her from vague description.

They had only just spoken before they heard two new voices.

“Nanami?” said one, clearly perplexed.

“Mikage!” gasped another.

Nanami and Mikage heard an engine rev from very nearby, and were frozen with shock…

Thirty seconds earlier than that…

“I still can’t believe it…” Wakaba lamented, “A wagon!”

Touga was pulling a Radio Flyer which was occupied by an extremely pissed Wakaba.

“Honestly, Touga, do you take all your dates on a wagon ride?” Wakaba said, crossing her arms, “It’s a wonder you get any dates at all…”

Touga simply walked on in silence, towing the wagon along behind him.

“Well?” Wakaba said.

Touga paused, “If you’d prefer not to go to the hospital, I’m fine with that…” he said.

Wakaba bit her lip and looked away.

“That’s what I thought…” Touga said.

They plodded on in silence for a few moments more, and then Wakaba sat up.

“Oh, I see now. Akio-san’s got that red car, and you have this. Makes perfect sense.”

“Shut UP!” Touga shouted, losing his cool.

Just then there was a voice. Yes, ANOTHER one.

“…That was torn down fifty years ago!”


Touga ran ahead, the squeaky wheels squealing behind him.

“Nanami?” he said, perplexed, as he finally caught up to the voices.

“Mikage!” gasped Wakaba.

Another pair of voices greeted theirs.

“Touga!” with joy.

And then, “Miss Wakaba?” with trepidation.

When they turned, very nearly tipping over the wagon, they heard a horn honk, and instead turned that direction…

And yet still thirty seconds earlier…

“This is really difficult…” Mitsuru said aloud, attempting to right his wobbly vehicle. Kozue was standing sideways on his little red scooter, which left just enough room for the fourth grader to stand his one foot on, and zoom forward with the other. But it was hard to keep his balance with such a strange weight balance on the scooter, and on top of that, Kozue kept stepping on the brake. She was doing her lamaze breaths, but it didn’t seem to be helping.

“I can’t imagine why the phone wasn’t working…” Kozue said between breaths.

“Probably he was out…” Mitsuru said, “He’s a big important guy, he probably has stuff to do.”

“Mhm…” Kozue said, “And I’m sure I know what he’s out doing, too…” she said flatly.

“What?” Mitsuru asked, eyes all wide and innocent-like…

“Nothing…” Muttered Kozue.

She cocked her ears as she heard a voice.

“…Makes perfect sense.”

“Shut UP!”

“Hurry!” she whispered to Mitsuru, who complied.

When they finally rounded the corner, Kozue grinned and shouted, “Touga!” with joy.

Mitsuru frowned and said, “Miss Wakaba?” with trepidation. He wasn’t even sure if that was her name, let alone what she was doing here.

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks as they saw the ominous figure of the Akio car loom, headlights on.

Just then, there was a loud beeping as the alarm on every clock or other device with a numeric display went off, flashing 5:00:00. The crew in the intersection shielded their ears.

Akio, in the car, stood, “Well, what are you waiting for? Get in!”

With one mind, they each ditched their vehicles, and fairly leapt into the Akio car, which seemed to expand to include all of them. Akio and Anthy exchanged grins and then stared at the ten pairs of worried eyes that looked out from the dark.

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you…” Akio said, grinning evilly.

The eyes became much more worried.

“Whoa… Did you see that?” one nurse asked the other.

“Hm? No, what?”

“A huge group of pregnant high school students, their boyfriends, and what looked to be their chaperones just came through here, towards the maternity ward..” the first nurse said, looking shaken.

“So.. That’s really no big deal. It’s not as if they were all headed for the psycho ward.” The other replied.

“That’s just it..” Said the first, “They all looked worried… Like something horrible was about to happen to them.”

“Hah!” said the second, “Something is! Have you ever gone through labor?”

“No, not that… Just… It was weird. Also, they didn’t seem to like each other. They were bickering a lot.”

The second nurse opened her newspaper and sniffed, “You’re overreacting.” She said, “Everyone bickers.”

“Well, if you say so… I just think we should maybe keep an eye on them…”

“Hm. Whatever.”

So, as the Ohtori procession marched through the hospital, and the girls were sped through the doors by nurses with wheelchairs, the boys sat down for what might be a long, long wait.


   Author’s note: I’m not sure whether the next will be the last or not.. I think I’ll have a short one after that with their children. Oh, happy happy! It’s been forever since I finished a fanfic, and I hope that over the summer, I can do a couple more. Thanks for sticking with me, the time frame for the next one is unknown. Maybe someday soon. I promise nothing. Love and more love can go to Less love and hatred can go long long ago, to a galaxy far far away.