You know what? I hate html.I wish I was doing almost anything else.Like getting laid. I could be having sex right now, but noooo.I watched Utena lose her virginity again this weekend.That scene is so hot.The fine line between obsession and madness is... what was I saying?GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!!!I want that outfit. I like red and black. What a surprise.This layout took forever to get just right. But that was because I took so many breaks.I never ate glue in kindergarten. Hard to tell, huh?Gio keeps talking about food. What a bitch.LEGS.See, I'm being productive. Now if only I could do this at work, where productive is just a dream...GODDAMMIT STOP TALKING ABOUT FOODYou know, those are the only important things in life. Food, sex, and sleep.Everything else is just window dressing.I have to clean my house still. That sucks.I hate cleaning. I should buy maids.I want to go to a museum, but I don't want to get out of my jammies.I suck at being energetic.Funny, you don't look Druish.


Dead Asleep Dreamin'


Author's Note Number 1: My first attempt at a Mamiya fic... Which is bad, because I've never seen The Kuro Bara Saga.... ^_^;; Oh well.. I did read what has been called the definitive Mikage essay.. I liked it, It's called For the Garden Where All Love Ends.. And Read it.. You can find it somewhere at Dangerous Liasons.. Anyway.. You won't understand this fic unless something is spoiled for you.. So.. If it has already, good for you, but if not, I won't tell you until the end. You'll just have to infer.

Utena belongs to Chiho Saito, Ikuhara, Be Papas, Software Sculptors, and all those other people.. Don't sue me. I have no money. Why else would I be sitting at home writing this fic? Anyhow... Another thing that doesn't belong to me, is the lyrics to the song "Sleepwalker" Those belong to the bishounenly Jakob Dylan, and his entourage, also known as The Wallflowers. No offense meant, guys.. But his hotness overshadows the band part's goodness.. And they are good. You listen to the intro to Sleepwalker, and tell me they're not good.. (I am right now.. They're good baby..)

Any messages with the subject line, "I love your fic, and I think you're good looking, marry me." Can go to, but don't expect me to say yes.. For the love of god we hardly know each other... Any messages with the subject line, "Your fic sucked and I know where you live and am coming to rough you up for writing such a stupid fic" Can go to They'll know how to deal with you... Enough of this.. I'm goin on to my fic. Don't steal it, or I'll show you the ends of the world, and let him have his way with you. Anyway, enjoy.

The bouquet of black roses that arrived at Utena Tenjou's dorm came at an early hour. For that reason, it was not received until long after, when Anthy Himemiya opened the door to shake the bits of food from her table rag, and she saw them lying on the stoop. She leaned over, and picked them up, turning the tag over in her hands to read what it said.

She yawned, and then read out loud, "To Miss Utena Tenjou." She paused, and turned it over, and shrugged, "Miss Utena will be pleased." She said. And so it came to be that Utena Tenjou awoke to a hot breakfast and a bouquet of black roses on the table.

She blinked,"Who are these from?" she said, voice struggling to be calm, but failing.

Anthy looked up with her customary vacuous expression. She shrugged, "I don't know, Miss Utena, they had no name." She said.

Despite that lack of confirmation, Utena knew who had sent them. For a moment, she didn't know what to think. Then she sighed, and sat down to breakfast. It wouldn't do her too good to get all upset on an empty stomach. Even so, she didn't know how the dark man who lived in the Nemuro Hall had the gall to send her these. How could he think that she wouldn't be upset? Or perhaps that was his point. And so while Utena consumed her warm rice, and left for school, her thoughts were on that secretive man. What were his motives? She hardly noticed the figure of her bride standing at the door, waving, until she realized that Anthy wasn't there walking with her.

She turned, and walked back a few paces, "What's the matter, Anthy, aren't you coming to school?" She asked.

Anthy shook her head, "I'm sorry, Miss Utena, I just don't feel very well. I think I shall stay home, perhaps get some sleep?" she said, a note sounding at the end of her sentence.

Utena was stunned, of course, but, pleased for the strange show of emotion in her friend, she smiled, "Of course, Anthy, you get some sleep," She said, waving and turning, with a vague sense of guilt at not being able to stay with her bride. There was a slightly strange empty feeling when her dark Indian shadow was no longer there. However, she forgot all about the bouquet of black roses, and went off to school that day with a clear fresh mind, which may have been Anthy's goal in the first place.

Across the campus somewhere, the aforementioned secretive man sat at his desk, riffling through the sheaves of papers which adorned it. It was strange to see the man who was generally so formulaic, being so disorganized. Of course, there was no one around to see this lapse. For a moment, the purple tinted glasses on Mikage's desk glinted, as the sunlight pierced the window. He looked up.

Maybe I could be the one they adored,
That could be my reputation,

A small, thin boy stood in the doorway, wide green eyes surveying the desk and room before him. His eyes narrowed in a weak semblance of a smile, and Mikage regarded him with slightly wide eyes.

"Mamiya?" He said, a faint note of interrogation in his voice, "What are you doing around here... and so early?" he said. Mamiya Chida, a thin and very feminine boy, dipped his head respectfully to his sempai, "I just felt like visiting, Sempai. It seemed to me that you were acting a little differently lately.." he said, trailing off.

Mikage looked at him, eyes smiling, "Thank you for noticing, Mamiya-kun." He said. As an afterthought, he slipped on his glasses.

Mamiya spied the papers that Mikage was working over, and blinked slowly, "Mikage-sempai, what is all that for?" he asked.

Mikage blinked, "Oh, Mamiya-kun, that's all for you." He said.

"Me?" the young boy asked.

"Of course, Mamiya... To give you eternity, for you to become the rose bride." He said.

Mamiya looked down, concealing the feeling in his eyes, "Yes, of course. I'm sorry to have bothered you, Souji-sempai." He said, turning.

Mikage held up a hand, to stop Mamiya, but Mamiya's back was turned, and he didn't see, as he walked out the door. Mikage would have sighed, but he was not an emotional person. Which was also why he didn't understand why Mamiya had left so early. But pressing business was there to attend to, so with a brisk sense of regret, Mikage went back to riffling through the papers, unsure if what he searched for even existed, and indeed, unsure, even what it was he searched for.

It's where I'm from that lets them think I'm a whore,
I'm an educated virgin.

Mamiya Chida was a thin boy who was believed to be capable of many things, most of which you would never believe, just by looking at his wide green eyes. These green eyes were showing none of the emotion that was inside him, as, most likely, they were unsure how. The confusion that Mamiya felt deep within him was so deep that he wasn't sure where to start thinking about it, unsure where to stop, indeed, unsure whether he would be able to stop, once he found the right place to start.

Before long, his quiet walking led him to a wall, covered in photos. Some he recognized, some he didn't. There was one of a multitude of young men, gazing accusingly into the camera. Mamiya shuddered, as the accusation pierced the deepest core within him. There was something about those staring eyes that reached deep into the vestiges of his soul and showed him something that frightened him, even as it confused him even more. He shook his head, and turned to another.

Sleepwalker, Don't be shy,
Don't open your eyes tonight..
You'll be the one, defends my life
When I'm.. Dead asleep dreamin'

He was not surprised to see the face of his sister gazing from the frame, his lithe form standing next to her. It had been so long since he'd seen her. So long, in fact, that he almost didn't remember what she looked like. Her smile, the way she tossed her head, the things she said about him, TO him... It was as if he was viewing them through a gauze draped mirror, or even a window, as if, perhaps it hadn't really happened to him at all. He shook his head. That couldn't be possible.

There were other pictures on the wall, of people he had never met, or... some of them seemed familiar, but he could only remember vague things about them. One of them was married, or engaged.. one of them had a brother. One was very nice, but a bit delusional in some respects, in his opinion, if it even was... his. He sighed, turning his back to the wall, and sliding down to the floor. If there was something about this train of thought that didn't mesh quite exactly, it was lost in the torrent of confusion which battled beneath the calm, placid surface of Mamiya Chida.

Cupid don't draw back your bow,
Sam Cooke Didn't know what I know.
I'll never be your valentine,
It's the sleepwalker in me,
And God, Only know that I've tried.

And yet.. His mind thought back to the looks that Mikage had been giving him lately. He had always liked Mikage. Always. He vaguely remembered wishing fervently that his sister would like him back, as it didn't take a genius to see that Mikage liked her.. Or... Was that the story of someone else? In any case, Mikage now harbored only ill feelings, perhaps bitterness towards his sister, which was most likely why he hadn't seen her in so long.

But that couldn't be why... No. He shook his head. That was just something that he didn't catch, a thing that could easily be explained. He knew that Mikage only meant to help him when he spoke of the Rose Bride, but in Mamiya's sight, or, to be more precise, in his thoughts, as he had never actually seen the bride, she didn't seem to be a very happy person. Mamiya would never say it out loud, but his thoughts gravitated more towards wanting to die than wanting to live forever. The picture that Mikage had painted of the bride seemed to Mamiya to be more of a doll than a person. Of course, that could just be the way Mikage portrayed her. It seemed like nothing would stop Mikage from his endless pursuit.

Let me in, let me drown or learn how to swim,
Just don't lead me out the window.
I could be the one to be your next best friend,
You may need someone to hold you.

And yet, did Mamiya even want him to stop? There was a small part of him, deep within, that wanted him to keep on with this blind pursuit, of something that he really didn't understand, even though in his heart, Mamiya knew that this would eventually bring Mikage's downfall. His lip curled a bit at this sadistic part of his personality, one which he was sure he never noticed before. Except it seemed like he noticed it every day.

This feeling, it seemed to be waiting for him to go on in his thoughts, so he did. Mamiya sighed. Lately he had felt like he was walking in a dream. Always so tired. It seemed like he slept all day, and stayed awake all night. But did he sleep? He wasn't sure. Of course, Mamiya knew he was sick, and so did Mikage. It would be a surprise to neither of them to know that he was fatigued. Mikage would, no doubt, want to protect him. But how?

Sleepwalker take this knife,
You may see someone tonight,
You'd be the one to save my life,
When I'm dead asleep dreamin.

His mind created a picture of himself, standing behind Mikage as he lifted his sword, and wielded it against the victor, Utena. To his surprise, he saw himself looking into the eyes of the Rose Bride. He saw a reflection of himself in her deep green eyes. She mouthed something at him, but he couldn't tell what she said. He looked up with a start, shuddered, and ran his fingers through his hair. Perhaps he had fallen asleep. In any case, he didn't know whether or not he would have wanted to see it through to the end, regardless of what the solemn bride had mouthed to him in this dream. He stood. And turned to look at the pictures once again.

Cupid don't draw back your bow,
Sam Cooke Didn't know what I know.
I'll never be your valentine,
The sleepwalker in me,
And God, Only know that I've tried.

I'm in your movie, and everyone looks sad,
I can hear your voice on the laugh track,
But you never saw my best scene
The one where I sleep,
Sleepwalk into your dreams.

The pictures of the dark and fierce duelists of the Black Rose caught his eyes. For a moment, he wondered how Mikage justified this to himself. They all looked so dark and dead. Solemn, with their faces full of some strange anger, a feeling that Mamiya couldn't identify. He sighed. Seeing these faces, how could Mikage justify doing this to them? In any case, that part of himself deep within, that slumbered, awoke to laugh derisively, and say that Mikage would never see what he had done to them, which wouldn't matter, because in the end, he won't have affected them at all.

Mamiya raised an eyebrow at himself. Where were such strange thoughts coming from? And why did he feel so dazed, and so very much like he was in a dream, or not in total control of himself. It was almost as if someone was controlling him like a marionette. His face twisted into a mask of confusion and horror, and he cradled his face in his hands.

Now, Sleepwalker, What's my line?
It's only a matter of time until I,
Learn to open up my eyes,
When I'm dead asleep dreamin

The voice in him echoed, and his mind created an image to go along with it. There, in his mind was a face, looking slightly bored. Who are you? He asked. The face shook. Not Who am I? Who are you? The voice smiled, an expression that didn't quite fit. He had never seen that face take on that expression before. But.. Hadn't he not even seen that face in the first place?

True.. The voice said, Except for you see it every day... when you look in the mirror. The voice cackled. Mamiya gasped, and with some effort got up, turning to look at the picture of his past. For a moment, his eyes unfocused, and the light caused him to see his own reflection in the glass. It seemed to skew as he looked at it.

But this is your real appearance... The voice within him said. And he blinked in horror and surprise as he looked into the face of Anthy Himemiya, The Rose Bride, You see.. I am you. She said, the face at the edge of his consciousness spelling out what the bride had mouthed in his dream.

He buried his face in his hands, and just as he did, felt them leave him. The bride looked back into her image, and smiled, "Poor, poor little boy.. You know, you rediscover this every day. And whenever you speak to Mikage, it takes you at least a half hour to realize that you're me." she smiled, teeth glinting.

Not... true.. Mamiya said, realizing that he had become the voice now.

Anthy threw her head back and laughed, for that moment, the witch, "Oh, would that I had fifty sen every time I'd heard you say that over these months!" she shouted, "I'd be a millionaire." She said her voice dark and silky with wickedness.

Mamiya gasped, feeling his soul crushed by the immense will of the bride, Stop.... You're.. Killing.... Me.. He said.

She shook her head, "No, no I'm not. Just putting you back down. Sleep, little boy.. Sleep.." She said. And then Mamiya's consciousness gave up the effort, and he sank into the depths of Anthy's soul. She smiled, and left the Nemuro hall, or what was left of it, a burned-out husk, and made her way back to the dorm that she shared with Utena.

Cupid don't draw back your bow,
Sam Cooke Didn't know what I know.
I'll never be your valentine,
The sleepwalker in me,
Now the sleepwalker in me...
Now the sleepwalker in me...
And God, Only know that I've tried.

"Anthy, I'm home!" Utena said, opening the door of the room.

Anthy sat up in bed and stretched, "Hello, Miss Utena." She said mildly.

Utena ignored the 'Miss' "So, did you have a good rest?" She asked nicely.

Anthy nodded, "I had a... strange dream, but other than that, I was fine."

Utena raised an eyebrow, "I don't wonder if you aren't getting sick, Hime... You've been tired so much lately." She said, looking a little worried.

Anthy smiled, in her endlessly secretive way, "Don't worry, everything will be over soon enough." She said in a voice soft with menace, "Utena-sama!" she said with a smile, and a smile in her voice.

Utena blinked, a bit nonplussed, and started setting all her stuff down.

Chu Chu leapt to the bed, shouting, "Chuuuuuu!!"

Anthy smiled, and took him into her arms, "Oh, hello Chu Chu.." she said, "Did you miss me?" she asked.

Chu Chu nodded.

She looked to Utena, "Don't worry, you won't have to miss the real me much longer."

Utena stood up, "Anthy, here's your homework, want some help with it?" she asked, offering Anthy a sheaf of paper.

Anthy shook her head, "Oh, no, that's all right, Miss Utena. I'm sure I can find some help somewhere." She said, smiling.


Author's other note: Well, I updated this, on 4/11/03, for grammar and spelling, which I've been doing a lot lately. I like it. Anyhow, now I've seen some of the Black Rose Saga, and I likey it. I hope I didn't spoil it for anyone, sorry if I did, but I did warn you. In any case, if you get a chance, review, because this fic has been up forever without one review! Waahh! Also I wanted to thank Kestrel, of Kestrel's music videos, for making the Black Rose Video for Everybody Wants to Rule the World. That was a big inspiration for me in writing this fic.