Confession: Part Three
Alright, this fic needs to be wrapped up.
In this part, Touga gets to do something he wanted to in the
second part and something he was to afraid to before. I hope
you've all enjoyed this story. These characters are not mine
and I'm not making one red cent off of this.
Your skin is satin and moonlight pale underneath my fingertips, dewy with perspiration. Gentle, sleeping breaths make your chest rise and fall as you lay in my arms. My Kyouichi, we belong to each other now. True, we did belong to each other long ago but we were merely children then. We were less than brothers and something more than friends. But we are not children anymore, now we are lovers.
I used to believe that this wasn't possible, that I didn't even want this. I put so much effort into trying to prove myself better than you, that I had no real need for you or anyone. What a waste. So much time was spent somehow trying to escape my feelings, my own humanity. Sometimes, I wonder if this could have happened for us earlier if I wasn't so foolish. Or perhaps we both needed to mature before we could finally come to this. You aren't as unhappy as you used to be. Your crippling anger is gone. That scowl that once marred your lovely face has faded. It wasn't only I who needed to grow, you needed time to heal and realize yourself as well. We are so much better for it. For now, we can be together.
I feel your body stirring ever so slightly. I don't want to wake you. It is pleasurable for me to study you when you're asleep like this. Sometimes I glory over each part of your body as if I've never truly looked at it before. Forest waves of green fall over my shoulder, slender white hands slightly calloused by the sword, one rests on my other shoulder, its twin lays on my stomach. Kyouichi, you are flawless to me. Am I that to you as well? I think so. I see the way you look at me, the comfort you take in our time together. And the way we make love! You're so very hot and passionate, so eager and yet graceful in your moves. If we did what we do now before, it would have been marred by competition. We wouldn't have been making love, it would have been another battle in the form of fucking.
It wasn't like that at all when we first did this. Our first time was so fulfilling, so sweet and healing. And it was in the same night that I finally told you the truth, how I really feel about you. I must confess, Kyouichi, it wasn't the easiest thing for me to do. I've already intentionally given others the impression that I cared for them and they were all lies. Why should have it been so…..hard, even a little terrifying when I said it to you? Possibly because it was the truth. I was seriously out of my element in telling the truth, especially one that I had been denying for so long. I had observed the change in your demeanor and my heart ached from the loss of Utena and longing for you. I was tired of the life that I led and of merely pining for and hating you at the same time and pretending at the same time. But I also wanted to tell you where she and Anshii were now since you were so worried. What struck me was that you were merely concerned for Anshii's welfare, not wanting to possess her again and was worried about Utena as well. That and you were calmer now, gentler, and more willing to let your instinctive wisdom shine through. I had to tell about them and myself. But what guarantee did I have that you wouldn't be horrified of me? This wasn't some petty trick, some skillful manipulation, I was confessing my love! If I didn't tell you, I didn't think I could bear myself and my habits any longer. I got you to come to my room to hear what Anshii had told me before she disappeared. Utena wasn't dead, she was merely gone and safe from the End of the World. And that she was going away from him to find her. The look on your face showed that you were relieved and happy for Anshii and Utena. For you it must have been the end. It wasn't that way for me.
But I still had one more thing to tell you. I don't know how I did it, how I formed the words in my mind and pushed them off of my tongue. But somehow I did. After so many years, I finally admitted how I felt about you to the both of us. And you accepted it. Do you honestly have any idea of what you've done for me that night?
What you've done is lift a burden, mend a heart and a friendship, and helped it grow into something better. I'm at peace now and I haven't felt this way in a long time. Trying to manipulate Utena into something she wasn't hasn't done this, finally finding the courage and admitting my own humanity has. You've given me so much. I can tell that I've done the same for you.
I feel your body move again. Your lashes part,
your violet eyes are opened. You begin to sleepily look at me.
And you smile. I cannot help but smile back and hold you tighter.
A slow kiss and half-sighs; the pain of the past is behind us.
The future looks so good with you Kyouichi. We are whole, sound,
and together, ready for the world. I cannot wait to begin exploring
it with you.