You know what? I hate html.I wish I was doing almost anything else.Like getting laid. I could be having sex right now, but noooo.I watched Utena lose her virginity again this weekend.That scene is so hot.The fine line between obsession and madness is... what was I saying?GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!!!I want that outfit. I like red and black. What a surprise.This layout took forever to get just right. But that was because I took so many breaks.I never ate glue in kindergarten. Hard to tell, huh?Gio keeps talking about food. What a bitch.LEGS.See, I'm being productive. Now if only I could do this at work, where productive is just a dream...GODDAMMIT STOP TALKING ABOUT FOODYou know, those are the only important things in life. Food, sex, and sleep.Everything else is just window dressing.I have to clean my house still. That sucks.I hate cleaning. I should buy maids.I want to go to a museum, but I don't want to get out of my jammies.I suck at being energetic.Funny, you don't look Druish.


If I Could - Chapter Ten


It was the night before she was to go back to school. Both Kohana and Touga had eagerly been awaiting this; for her part, Kohana was glad that she was finally out of the 'resting period' imposed on her by Touga and Saionji, as well as being absolutely and completely ready for a night with two of her lovers. That was something she'd wanted to do for a long time, but she'd never had the time or the place, or two lovers who were bisexual and willing.

All day, the atmosphere had been charged with erotic appetite—Kohana couldn't keep her hands off of Touga, and he'd returned her advances almost to ending up in bed. But there'd been a silent agreement that waiting for tonight would make it better for both of them, and they'd held off. Concentrating madly on her painting was the only way to stave off the raging hunger inside her.

It was almost finished.

And she didn't have much longer to wait. All through a meal, where she didn't eat anything and both Touga and Saionji kept touching either her or each other, and up to Touga's rooms afterward. Once inside the sitting room, she'd gone straight to the chaise, draping herself on it and picking up the wine Touga had left to breathe while they were eating. She poured for the three of them while Saionji wandered around the room, looking at the new additions Touga had made. A new vase full of roses here, some candles in a wrought-iron candelabra, things that pleased the eyes and other senses. "I'd always thought your rooms were overdecorated, but they seem to have become even more so since Kohana's stayed here." Saionji picked up a little silver ashtray, raising his eyebrows at Touga.

"Forgive me for not keeping my rooms as barren as yours. I like to surround myself with beautiful things," Touga chuckled, taking two wine glasses from Kohana and handing one to Saionji.

"Will I ever be able to leave?" Kohana asked mockingly.

Seating himself near her, Touga smiled seductively. "If I could keep you here, I would."

Saionji laughed at this. "An accessory to your room, Touga?" He made his way over to where the easel stood, draped with the drop sheet Kohana had been using, and glanced at her. "May I?"

"Ask him. It's his." She nodded toward Touga.

"You don't paint." Saionji frowned.

"My painting. Her work." Touga brushed his hair back from his eyes. "Go ahead."

Gently flipping back the drop sheet, Saionji said, "I didn't know you painted, Kohana."

"It never came up in conversation," she said, and leaned back to watch his reaction.

It was all she could have hoped for and more. Saionji stared at it for a long time, forgetting the wine that was in his hand. Tentatively, his fingers reached out to touch it, drawing back at the last moment as if he was afraid the painting might take offense. Even unfinished, the picture was one of her best works. The dark colors drew the eye in this setting, the white and red starkly contrasting, and the blue of the eyes that looked so real captured and held Saionji's gaze.

Shaking himself, Saionji glanced at Touga, myriad questions in his eyes. Touga only raised his glass toward Kohana. "It's beautiful," Saionji finally said.

"It's not art, but it's decent enough." This painting was different from her others. Modesty was usually not a part of her nature, but this painting demanded that she be humble about her part in creating it. She felt strangely shy about showing it off.

"She painted and repainted so many times that I was afraid it would never be started, let alone finished." Touga glanced over at her, sipping his wine. "But there it is. There are only a few things left to finish it, or so she says. I like it the way it is."

Instead of going off on a long speech about how the golds needed to be darkened further and the red of his hair needed to be shaded and highlighted more and the little mistake she would have to redo on the sleeve of the hand that held the rose, she kept silent. He would see when she was finished that it was the way it needed to be.

"An artist," Saionji mused, reverently drawing the drop sheet over the painting.

"No." She'd never held any illusions about that. "I'm a craftsman. A true artist wouldn't have needed to paint and repaint to keep their vision straight. I just throw out everything that isn't perfect and do it again."

"Perfection..." Touga nodded towards her. "When do you start yours?"

"Soon. After yours is finished." And there was another painting she would like to do—if she could ever find out what she had looked like. Someone had to remember more than Touga.

"A self-portrait?" Saionji asked, walking toward the other chair near her.

She nodded, and Touga said, "I hope it's as revealing as mine is." The playfulness in his tone couldn't entirely conceal his interest.

"You won't see anything you haven't seen before," she said, covering her thoughts with a promising smile. On the surface, her words were true. He’d seen her in all stages of dress and undress, and he knew very well what she looked like, but as with his painting, she wanted to turn hers into something that showed more than just a body and a face.

"A nude?" Saionji asked, his pretty purple eyes turning curiously on her.

Enough playing around. Kohana stretched lazily, setting her wine on the table near the chaise. "Possibly," she taunted. The black silk shirt she wore just happened to fall open enough to show the shadow of her cleavage.

"Cruel," Touga purred. "She’s been tormenting me all day, and she barely allowed me any more than a few kisses to make up for it."

"Such cruelty," Saionji mocked, then glanced back at her. "If I ask nicely, will you put him out of his misery?"

Kohana appeared to ponder this for a moment, and then said, "No. What are you prepared to do for me?"

Touga stood, crossing the short distance between them and dropping to one knee beside the chaise. "You’ll have my unwavering attention," he said, running his hand down her side.

She smiled and shook her head. "Not good enough."

Taking Touga's glass from him and setting it on the table near hers, Saionji seated himself behind her, pulling her hair away from her neck and kissing her gently just beneath the ear. "What about mine?" His lips brushed her skin so lightly it gave her goosebumps and his unbound hair spilled over her neck.

"Maybe." Her hand drifted near the buttons of her shirt, but didn't open them.

Taking a truffle from the bowl she'd kept well stocked while she'd stayed, Touga held his hand out for her to take it from. She did so with her lips, sucking on his fingers, and undid one button.

"Only one?" Saionji asked, a delightfully pouty cast to his lips. "In that case—" His lips brushed her ear again, traveling down to her neck while his hands gently pinned hers to the chaise. Kohana let him hold her there, feeling Touga's hands slide upward over her breasts to the buttons of her shirt. The silk separated slowly, baring her skin to the soft scratch of Touga's fingernails while Saionji's hand slid down to cup her breast.

"Beautiful," Touga breathed when he had uncovered her. Kohana's eyes opened for a moment to see the expression on his face. She'd chosen the burgundy lace especially for him, knowing that he would love the way it framed and accented her paleness.

"I suppose that means you like it," she said throatily. "Not so much that you won't take it off, I hope."

Saionji chuckled. He wasn't as impressed by things like lingerie, preferring her naked skin to the hide and seek of lace. He lifted her a little, sliding her over and onto his lap so that her head rested on his chest, and continued to move his mouth down the side of her neck while his hands wandered her skin. Kohana's hand wound into his hair, keeping him where she wanted him.

All the while, Touga was delicately removing the velvet skirt was wearing, taking advantage of the brief time Saionji had lifted her to pull it down over her hips. Now it was on the floor, and the greater part of her skin was bared to his attentions. He moved up onto the chaise, pulling her legs across his lap almost the way they had been the first time she'd been to his home, and placed a tender kiss on her knee as his fingers moved up the inside of her thigh.

Teasing strokes and scratches at the crease of her thighs and the lace of her panties soon had her writhing, and Saionji's biting kisses and slightly rough hands moving over her body only intensified the delicate, feathery touches that Touga tormented her with. She barely even noticed when he moved her so that he was between her legs, but the moist, sucking kiss on the inside of her thigh caught her attention immediately. Gasping at the intense, shivery pleasure it evoked, she buried her face in Saionji's neck, biting softly.

The pleasure only heightened from there. Anticipation that had been building all day was finally being satisfied, with soft touches and little licks and nips traded back and forth between the three of them, moans and sighs the music that accompanied them. Neither Saionji nor Touga would allow her to undress them; every time her searching fingers made their way to the fastenings of their clothes, they would tenderly redirect her hands to the other's face or throat or her own body. It was pampering beyond all belief, both of them focused entirely on giving her pleasure. When Touga slowly began to pull the lace panties down over her hips, she could barely catch her breath for the blissful daze she was in.

Saionji's hands made their way behind her back, freeing her of the brassiere and returning to play with her nipples as Touga placed a wet, open-mouthed kiss just above her slit. His tongue snaked down, dipping between the sensitive lips, and Kohana's breath caught in her throat. Teasingly, he sucked on them, his tongue flickering inside to play at her clit and then darting away. Insides quaking, Kohana tried desperately to keep still; she didn't want her squirming to disturb either of the men and cause an interruption, but it felt as if her body would burst if she didn't allow herself some outlet. Her fingers twined into Touga's hair, shakily stroking to keep them from clamping down and hurting him.

So far gone was she by the time Saionji lifted his head and murmured something, her brain refused to bring it into any sort of coherency. The entire world was only the feeling of hands and mouths on her body, driving her into a frenzy with ever more insistent pressure. Touga lifted his head; she whimpered pleadingly and tried to draw him back down.

"Hold her," he said, his voice husky.

Oh, please, do it.

Saionji gently lifted her up further, wrapping his arms around her body and resting her head on his shoulder. As delirious with pleasure as she was, she was glad of the restraint. That meant that she could allow herself to let go. A split-second after Touga began to suck strongly on her clit, she wasn't sure she could have restrained herself any more. It was ravenous, no more gentleness, just pure lust and absolute hunger for her, and she felt as if her body wasn't entirely under her control. Thrashing and writhing, he drove her to a peak—and then another, and finally the last. All that had come before was nothing compared to this, a delightful freefall that seemed as if it would almost kill her to feel, and as Touga's tongue flickered against her clit and then drove into her, she felt her body stiffen and her back arch and she shrieked. The world suddenly exploded outward; she was crushed by the weight of her own desire, her body's aching being washed away by the sudden release, and she could distantly feel their hands, gentle once again, soothing her and a tear trickling down her face.

"Beautiful," Saionji whispered in the silence that followed, kissing her cheek.

Touga's tongue flicked once more at her clit, eliciting a jerk and a whimper from her, and then he pulled away. "Sweet, too." he purred, his voice throaty with unfulfilled desire. His hair brushed along her body as he leaned over her, and then a little growl of pleasure came from Saionji's throat. Cracking her eyes open, she wasn't at all surprised to find that they were kissing—and distracted. She forced her trembling arms to move, unfastening most of Touga's shirt before he noticed and caught her hands. "Greedy," he chuckled.

She only smiled softly at him.

"I'll carry her," Touga said, pulling her forward so that he could slide his arms around her shoulders and under her knees. Watching through slitted eyes as Saionji stood and leaned over her to kiss Touga, her hand crept to the large bulge she'd felt pressing into her back and began to stroke it while the other undid his shirt enough that she could lay wet kisses on his chest and shoulder. Saionji groaned, his hand kneading her breast. The three of them made their way to the bedroom, not really watching where they were going, and by the time Touga placed her on the bed, Kohana was more than ready for whatever came next.

Those sinful silk sheets had already been turned back by some considerate soul; Kohana stretched out, reveling in them as she watched Touga and Saionji kiss, contemplating exactly what to do. There were so many options… Touga’s hands smoothed down to Saionji’s waist, slipping under his shirt and pulling him closer, their hips pressed together so tightly that she was sure it would take some prying to pull them apart. In any case, that wasn’t what she wanted to do—she was having fun watching them, for now. Their mouths met and parted, forceful and evidently passionate. A soft groan escaped Saionji as Touga ground their hips together, and Kohana smiled as she saw Saionji’s back stiffen, his fingers digging into Touga’s sides.

So sweet. They’re so rough with each other compared to the way they are with me—but I suppose I’m gentler when I’m with a girl too.

Rolling over so that she was on her side, Kohana delicately laid a fingertip on Touga’s waist, just below Saionji’s hand. His eyes opened; he glanced down at her, but didn’t break off the kiss. Kohana looked quickly and meaningfully at Saionji and then drew her fingertip down the bed. Eyes slowly closing, Touga took a step to the side, turning Saionji so that his back was to the bed. Pushing herself up to a kneeling position, Kohana lightly began to pull at Saionji’s shirt, gently removing it from his shoulders and following the fabric with kisses down his spine. Once it was off, she bit his shoulder, her arms twining underneath his to embrace him, her palms flattening on his chest. Saionji shivered, and she felt Touga lean into him, crushing her hands between them and forcing Saionji to rest some of his weight on her.

As Touga began to kiss down his throat, Kohana shifted to kneel on one knee, her eyes catching Saionji’s heavy-lidded violet gaze. He smiled, his hand coming up to cup her cheek and draw her to him for a kiss. Their lips met, Saionji’s hunger evident in the way he bit at her mouth, one of Kohana’s hands trailing down his skin to stroke Touga’s hair. There was a rustle of cloth; Saionji’s shoulders tensed, and Kohana smiled against his mouth. With a growling little purr, she began to pull him backward onto the bed, his pants sliding slowly off as Touga placed little kisses on his flat stomach.

Once he was settled on the bed, Kohana and Touga began in earnest. Licking delicately at his lips and then down his chest, Kohana lightly stroked his smooth skin, utterly absorbed in the feel of him and the tiny reactions every touch elicited. She bit gently and then sharply at one of his flat, masculine nipples, loving the way his body stiffened ever so slightly; Touga caressed the insides of his thighs and tasted the skin at his waist and under his navel, teasing him with feather-light, ‘accidental’ touches in extremely sensitive spots. Saionji’s fingers dug into Touga’s arm, not hard, but hard enough that Kohana could see it.

Moving further down, she drew tantalizing lines across his stomach with her tongue, blowing gently on them so that they would suddenly grow cold. It was something she’d come to find out that Saionji enjoyed very much, and he didn’t fail to notice; a small groan escaped his throat, and he sighed, “You’re killing me.”

Touga laughed softly, glancing up and meeting Kohana’s eyes. She smiled, tracing the crease of his thigh with her fingertip, and then leaning down to retrace that line with her tongue. “I wouldn’t dare,” she murmured into his skin, her cheek lightly grazing his cock. Her tongue flicked out to draw a wet line up its underside, and Saionji gasped. Touga soon joined her, their tongues dancing a duet on Saionji’s beating flesh, keeping time with the little thrusts and involuntary movements of his hips with flawless precision. Moving upward to the tip, she felt Touga’s fingers wind into the hair at the nape of her neck, and after she’d given the tip a teasing lick, her lips met his in a hungry kiss. It was incredible; lightly moving her hand over Saionji’s body so that he wouldn’t be ignored, she feasted herself on Touga’s mouth, his breath and lips and fingers on her neck fully reawakening the ravenous ache inside her. Breaking it off, she bent down and tenderly took the head of Saionji’s cock into her mouth to get the measure of him before plunging down to bury her nose in the wiry green curls at its base.

Growling, Saionji thrust his hips up, and Kohana sucked strongly on him, flattening her tongue against the length of him. The bed shifted slightly, and then suddenly the little moans coming from Saionji were stifled and she could hear lips impatiently meeting and the whisper of clothing being removed. She began to suck harder, adding the undulating pressure of her tongue against his shaft, delighting in the feel of Saionji writhing underneath her. Fingers wound into her hair, not guiding or controlling her movements but searching for something to hold onto, and then another hand found its way to her head, stroking her hair. Though she would have liked to lean into Touga’s hand, she restrained herself and increased her efforts.

Soon even Touga’s kisses couldn’t stifle Saionji’s groans, and his hips began to buck wildly. Cupping the pouch between his legs and gently massaging it made him stiffen once more, his body as rigid and inflexible as steel as he fought off his climax, and she heard him tear away from Touga, gasping for breath. A low chuckle came from Touga’s direction; he said, “Enough, darling. Don’t tire him.”

Reluctantly lifting her lips from Saionji’s cock and sitting back on her haunches, Kohana pouted and said, “He’s not tired. Look at him.” Suiting actions to words, she asked, “Are you tired?”

Saionji’s eyes blazed with frustrated lust. His arm snaked out before Touga could stop him, grabbing Kohana by the arm and dragging her up on the bed beside him as she shrieked softly and giggled. “No,” he growled, moving behind her. Kohana planted her knees firmly, reaching out for Touga as she felt the first nudges at her damp entrance.

I want you all over me, I want you inside me, I want to smell both of you on my skin and be tired and drowsy all day tomorrow because of tonight…

Touga laughed softly as he knelt up and moved toward Kohana, his hair spilling over his shoulder to tickle her face. Wrapping an arm around his waist, she pressed her cheek against his stomach as Saionji drove forcefully into her. Sighing, shuddering with delight, Kohana began to lay light kisses in a trail down Touga’s stomach, stroking his back and buttocks with the hand that wasn’t supporting her. There was no question in her mind that this had been, so far, the loveliest night she’d spent in a long while. Saionji’s thrusts were slow and powerful; Kohana bent low, suckling the tender skin on the insides of Touga’s thighs, her concentration divided between the surging ecstasy of Saionji’s rocking movements and passing on that ecstasy to Touga. His fingers lightly danced over her shoulders, sending shivers up her spine, and he sighed delicately when her lips parted moistly over the head of his cock. As she flicked the bottom of the ridge with her tongue, she heard him say, “Angel…”

Saionji’s hands gripped her hips, nails digging slightly in as he pulled her backward into his thrusts, and Kohana did her best to keep her suckling in time with them, reveling in the feel of hands on her body, Saionji’s cock ramming into her and Touga’s warm flesh pulsing in her mouth. Using all of her considerable skill, the suction of her mouth and the subtle tracery of her tongue on Touga’s velvet skin, she soon heard the little sighs and purrs that signified his extreme enjoyment.

She, too, was enjoying herself, though it was hard to balance her attention to her own heated hunger and her attention to the other two. It didn’t seem to matter, however; no doubt the sight and sound and texture of the three of them made up for any tiny flaws. It certainly did in her estimation. Saionji’s thrusts were starting to pick up speed, and Kohana felt that it would soon be time for him to take a short rest, so she began to increase her own tempo, the strokes of her tongue becoming firmer and the movements of her hand over Touga’s body less teasing. One of Saionji’s hands stole underneath her, his fingers searching out her clit and beginning an energetic rhythm that nearly stole her breath with the coursing pleasure it caused. Moaning a little as his pace quickened, Kohana soon found herself at the brink of another climax, the heat rushing through her as she strove to hold it off. Suddenly, Saionji slammed his hips into her, his back stiffening and his cock jerking inside her as the warmth of his come bathed her inner walls. Kohana gasped, sucking harder on Touga’s cock, her own orgasm letting loose in a wave of heat that flushed her cheeks and left her trembling and weak. Touga moaned softly, his hair tickling her hand as he threw his head back.

As Saionji pulled out of her, collapsing on the bed beside them, Kohana tried desperately to drive Touga to a pitch despite her shaking limbs. He must have felt the quiver in the hand that stroked his back, however, because even though his hips were making tiny thrusting movements, he tenderly pushed her away. “Don’t tire yourself either,” he said softly, his voice rough.

“Please,” she murmured shakily, leaning her cheek into the hand that cupped her jaw and looking up from under her lashes at him. “I want you, too.” As shaky as she was, she couldn’t help but want more.

If I could spend the rest of my life like this, I think I’d be happy.

“How could any man resist?” Touga chuckled, pushing her down onto the bed. Languidly stretching out beside her, all he did for a few moments was stroke her restless body, watching her writhe underneath his hand. Just as she was about to speak again he laid his hand on her mouth, moving over her and then biting at her nipple. Her breath hissed inward at the tiny sting, her ravenous body arching upward, and then his weight was pressing her down into the bed and his lips were moving up to her throat. Wrapping her legs around him, she lightly forced him downward and he slipped easily inside her. A soft cry burst from her throat; dazed, she began to move her hips instinctively, matching his gentle lunges with fiercer ones of her own. The difference between Touga and Saionji was clearer now than ever before; where Saionji preferred forceful, straightforward sex, Touga loved to seduce, to tease and play and romance her, even when in bed. It was always dizzying bliss to be with him.

A hand crept between them, fondling her breast, and Kohana turned her head to see Saionji watching them with weary contentment. Smiling at him, she reached out and stroked his face, running her fingers over his lips, and he lightly kissed the ball of her thumb as it passed over them. “Wonderful,” she said between gasps. “You’re both so wonderful…”

At that, Touga abruptly drove his hips into hers, lifting his lips from her neck as she groaned. “I could say the same,” he murmured. Kohana barely heard it through her delirium. Eyes closing, she tightened her muscles on him, forcing a sigh of pleasure from him. That breathtaking heat was beginning to build in her again, and she could tell by Touga’s movements that he was feeling it too. Rocking her hips up to meet his, Kohana pushed herself slowly up, her mouth finding his and devouring it with such fervor that she almost surprised herself. He returned it, his tongue stroking and lapping at hers impatiently as he gently laid her back down on the bed. Giving herself over completely to Touga’s attentions, Kohana began to revel in that desperate, racing intensity, feeling the answering passion in his own body grow along with hers. Her breath came short; her body hummed with need, and just as she thought she couldn’t bear it any longer, she heard Touga’s triumphant growl and felt his heat spill out inside of her. Saionji pinched her nipple sharply; she cried out against Touga’s mouth, her own climax speeding through her and making her entire body quiver. Indescribable bliss weakened her limbs, and for a moment, she almost felt as if she was going to faint. Touga’s lips remained fastened on hers until the last tremor of enjoyment had left them both and then, carefully pushing himself up with arms that were as shaky as her own, he smiled and said, “You’re not finished for the night, are you, angel?” It was more a statement than a question. He knew she wasn’t.

For Saionji’s benefit, she answered softly, “Not a chance.”

“Good,” Touga said, and then lay down on the bed beside her. “But I think I need a moment or two to rest.”

“You deserve it, darling.” Kohana smiled up at the canopy, and then looked wickedly at Saionji. “And you?”

Instead of answering her, Saionji shifted over so that his body was pressed against hers. “You don’t want to rest?” he asked, his hands already running down her body.

“Later,” Kohana said absently, reaching down to take him in her hands and murmuring delightedly when she found that he was well rested indeed.

Their play this time was leisurely, their hands and mouths moving over each other with unhurried grace. Kohana could feel Touga watching them both, his gaze traveling over them like a caress, and she found that it only heightened her own pleasure. Stretching out, her body pressed comfortably against Saionji’s and her arm thrown over him as he nibbled at her throat, Kohana breathed into his ear quietly enough that only he would hear it, “I think Touga deserves a little more attention, don’t you?”

Saionji murmured softly, lifting his head to look at Touga, and Kohana lazily turned her head to see him as well. A small smile touched Touga’s lips as they silently regarded him, and he nonchalantly rolled over onto his back. Crawling the short distance to him, Kohana sat back on her haunches, watching him with a small smile. Saionji hesitated behind her; her smile widening, Kohana leaned forward and planted her hands on the other side of Touga’s body, a feline stretch before she continued over him. “Beautiful,” she said in passing.

Sighing softly, Touga ran a hand down her side, letting it rest at her waist. Kohana gently loosed it, bringing it up to her lips so that she could suck lightly on the pulse at his wrist. With Saionji, sex and the evidence of desire was enough to make it good. With Touga, things were a little different. It had to be desire for him. It wasn’t necessary, of course, but the heavy-lidded looks she gave him as her lips traveled down his arm, seeking out the sensitive spots, the quickening of her breath as she stroked his body, even the way she concentrated only on him, as if he was the only one in the room—she knew that it was what made perfection real for him. Strangely, she didn’t even have to pretend; that was how she felt.

Only you can do this to me. Only you can make me forget about everyone else.

It was as much psychological as it was physical. The weight of her full attention and the knowledge that behind that attention was a hunger she only felt for him was as arousing to him as anything she could do with her body. Perhaps that was why he watched her so often; perhaps that was why he pulled her down to his side, wrapping his arm around her and sealing his lips to hers with passionate intensity. Only absently did she notice Saionji moving over him, the soft moist sounds that Saionji’s lips made on Touga’s skin. She was too absorbed in Touga to pay much attention to anything else. Her hand stole downward, smoothing over the skin of his chest and his muscled stomach, fingers tugging gently at the short curls at the base of his cock. Her hand brushed the side of it once, twice, and she savored the heat and hardness of it, letting her fingers slowly edge closer to it in elusive caresses. When finally she allowed him the relief from taunting that he asked for with his movements and the small sounds he made, he groaned as her hand closed around the hot length of him, stroking firmly. Despite all of her experience, Kohana could never quite get over the sense of wonder she had at the feel of it. Such soft velvet skin covered such heat and steel… it was always as new to her as the first time. Throwing her leg over his, she carefully nudged his legs apart, twining herself around him.

It’s so strange—I don’t usually like this kind of closeness.

It didn’t matter at present. All that mattered was the gentle rise and fall of Touga’s body, the delicious play of his lips over hers and the heated steel in her hand. Squeezing carefully, drawing her thumb up the underside from the base to just under the corona, Kohana did her best to drive Touga slowly insane with her lavish attentions. It startled her when she felt Saionji’s hands take hers, moving it away and down onto Touga’s stomach, and she had to carefully restrain a smile when she felt a curl drape across the back of her hand. Moving up, she traced a meandering path across Touga’s body, her nails biting delicately at the soft skin of his waist and her fingers teasing his flat nipples.

His body grew tense under her hands and Saionji’s mouth; slowly, dreamily, Kohana kept up her caresses, stroking the pulse at his throat with the pads of her fingers and listening to the tiny noises of his growing strain. When Touga tore his lips from hers, his breathing harsh, she smiled and reached down, stroking Saionji’s hair and then gently pulling him up. Touga watched her with lust-hazed eyes; she pushed herself up and leaned over him, letting him think that she was going to kiss him before her tongue darted out to flick the tip of his nose. With a wicked grin, she turned away, shifting to her knees to give Saionji a long and hungry kiss. “Bitch,” Touga chuckled.

The bed shifted as Touga sat up, pushing she and Saionji apart and laying him down on the bed. A mutual, unspoken decision was made to end their night with something special. Touga positioned her atop Saionji, massaging her body for a while as she moved her hips in a lazy rhythm meant to relax. It was more for her sake; she had an idea of what was coming. Gradually, Touga's hands moved downward, cupping and massaging her buttocks. He waited until she was comfortable with that before gently stroking the pucker between them.

Though she tried not to, she flinched away a little. That told him all he needed to know. "Whoever you tried this with wasn't gentle, was he."

"You'll be gentle," she said, keeping her mind on what was actually happening rather than what had happened or what could happen. If there was one thing she trusted Touga utterly with, it was sex. She didn't think he could ever bring himself to be less than considerate in bed.

And he was, gradually letting her get used to each new sensation, using a generous amount of scented oil to ease his fingers inside, first one, then two, then three. By that time, she was starting to enjoy it. When he pressed the tip of his cock against and slowly inside her, she forced herself to relax until she realized that it wasn't hurting the way it had before, and then she could allow herself to start to enjoy the newness of the feeling.

Once he was fully inside her, she sank down on Saionji's cock, the feeling of absolute fullness inflaming her body. Touga stayed completely still, allowing her to choose when she would move, and she slowly began to pull off of Saionji, moving back toward Touga until he was buried in her as far as possible. As she became more confident, she began to move faster, plunging down on Saionji's cock and then up and back as she impaled herself on Touga. The hesitancy she'd felt in the beginning evaporated into utter bliss—the two of them were perfectly matched for something like this. The slick friction of the two of them inside her and the delicious little sighs and growls they made were heady, their attention focused completely on her. Kohana basked in it—Saionji, usually so argumentative and condescending, watched her now with eager hunger, all of his stubbornness gone. And Touga’s veneer of control, that cool and calm façade he wore, was wearing down into simple enjoyment of her. His hands tightened slightly around her waist, supporting her, and Saionji kneaded her thighs, the calluses on his palms stirring each nerve in her tender skin with slight abrasion. On a whim, Kohana suddenly tightened her muscles—Touga’s hands tightened again, his nails biting in the tiniest bit, and Saionji reflexively thrust upward, groaning. A satisfied moan vibrated in Kohana’s throat; her eyes, which had closed, slowly opened again. “Oh, I like this,” she purred, resuming the rhythm she’d taken.

Touga murmured softly and bit her shoulder, encouraging her with soft touches as she picked up speed.

As tired and keyed up as all of them were, it couldn't last for very long. But, oh, it was spectacular while it did! She could easily feel them rubbing up against each other through the thin membrane that separated them, and it drove her near insane with desire. The heat of their hands on her only urged her onward, the feeling in her body spinning higher and higher, until one of them came, the spasms setting off an explosive chain reaction while Touga pulled her hips downward, impaling her to the hilt on both of them. The rushing, whirling sensation demanded outlet; for the second time that night, she screamed. It was too good, too much—tears streaked her face, and she slumped down onto Saionji.

So that's what people mean when they say the felt the world move...

Waiting until her breathing had returned to normal before she even attempted to move her shaking limbs wasn't hard at all. In fact, she could have fallen asleep the way she was. But there was still one thing left to do tonight, and it couldn't be put off.

Slowly she pushed herself up. Touga had collapsed onto her and was barely holding his full weight off of her, so she helped him sit up, giving Saionji a kiss in passing. Forcing her shaking limbs to obey her, she pulled off of them and rolled over, scrambling under the covers and cuddling up to Saionji while Touga kissed him and then moved to her other side.

This probably won't work.

She had to try anyway. Touga wasn't used to honesty, and it might shock her answer out of him. His arms wrapped around her and he kissed her tenderly. She returned it wholeheartedly, knowing that this was likely the last night they would ever be quite so easy with each other.

God, she needed a cigarette. Saionji didn't like it, but he never said anything against it, so he would just have to put up with it for now. Leaning over him and snatching cigarettes, lighter, and ashtray from the bedside table, she settled back in and lit the cigarette, trying to exhale her nervousness with the smoke.

It took all of that cigarette before she could trust herself to speak. Laying her hand over Saionji's mouth to keep him from speaking, she gave him a meaningful glance, and then stared up at the sheer canopy over Touga's bed. "Touga..."

"Hmm?" He was almost asleep. Good.

"Who is it that wants me on the Seitokai badly enough to force you to appoint me?"

That garnered an instant reaction from both of them, Saionji stared at her, and she quickly took her hand from his mouth while Touga stiffened and rolled over. He only looked at her for a moment, judging how sure she was of what she'd said.

Though she felt strangely reluctant to lie, it was necessary. She kept her expression calm as she said, "I might be able to help you get rid of whatever hold they have on you." Now she had Saionji's support, judging from the way he sat up and watched Touga. Volumes of conversation passed in that gaze.

"Go to sleep," Touga said, turning away from Saionji's gaze. That sadness was back in his face. "I should have known..."

"That I'd find out? I did, and I will." Kohana smiled, stroking his cheek.

"Go to sleep," he said, removing her hand and rolling over so that his back was to her.

Kohana glanced at Saionji, saw the way he shook his head, and frowned. It had been a gamble at best, and she'd lost. Saionji lay back down, stroking her shoulder and then letting his hand fall away.

There was one thing left to do. Kohana rolled on her side, wrapping her arms around Touga, and kissing the back of his neck. "Always remember I gave you a chance, knowing it was more than you'd give me."

"I will," he murmured, pulling her arms tighter around him.


If anything had ever shocked me, that certainly did. Kohana was someone who was most at home within a cloud of lies; to so directly let me know that she knew the truth, especially knowing that it would only help me prepare myself for her wiles—unthinkable. She gave up an advantage. I would never have given up an advantage so easily.

The only reason I could think of was that she was actually falling for me, the way I had planned. Part of her charm, however, was that no one ever really knew where they stood with her. Even when she wasn't lying to someone's face, even on the rare moments where she was telling the absolute truth, those gold-flecked eyes would laugh and her smile always hid a secret. I knew her best, but that secret smile dazzled me like I was one of her clueless admirers.

She was truly a beautiful girl, though if one looked closely, one could see the marks her illness had left. The white hair could be explained away with bleach and dye, but the too-pale skin, the almost too thin body, and later on, the way she bruised so very easily—they all indicated a fragility of health. But her personality covered that up; she was as regal as a queen when she wanted to be, as cool as an iceberg when she felt like it, but there was always that twisted little sense of humor in everything she did. Even the way she told me she hadn't forgiven me, let me almost forget about it, and then paid me back for my trespasses on her privacy by forcing Saionji into a situation where she could break him if she wished—even that was done with a certain amount of ironic humor. I'm not sure if he ever really caught on to what she was doing, but I certainly did, though at the time I didn't know what she'd actually done.

I first saw her long before I spoke to her. She drew my eye instantly—anyone with those looks would have. Surprisingly she seemed not to notice me, absorbed in her clique of friends, and I had no real desire to spend time courting the favor of yet another inexperienced virgin who would need convincing, who couldn't begin to appreciate some of the things I had learned, and who would likely become as adoring and boring as all the rest. I was visiting Kozue quite a bit at this point, disillusioned with all but a few of my worshipful horde.

But I began to wonder about her. I could walk right by her in the hall, and not earn a second glance, something that was unheard of at the time. When her eyes landed on me they were appreciative of my looks, but no more. It was her walk, of all things, that confirmed it for me; confident, hands swinging easily at her sides, and that sultry sway of a woman who knows exactly what pleases her. And the laughing golden brown eyes, the way they never truly softened—I saw those eyes in the mirror every day.

Of course it wasn't a coincidence when we met that day. I was curious about her, and then the message came down from Ends of the World. I was to make contact with her. I hadn't been watching near as much as I led her to believe (if she truly ever believed it), and all the information I needed was included with the letter. Hoshigawa Kohana, erratic student with no patience for schoolwork, horrible at sports despite physical grace and potential talent for swordsmanship, social butterfly, world traveler, prankster and sexual predator. It seemed like she could and would do anything if she had the inclination. One of nature's blessed children, as I was.

And when the illness was mentioned, it all fell into place for me. I understood some of what she was, and the picture was disturbingly like what would have happened if I'd been diagnosed with an incurable illness. Why should she do homework? Learning would get her nothing but wasted time when she was in the grave. Why should she tell the truth about herself? Better to create a fiction of beautiful lies than fall under the weight of pitying stares when the ugly truth was revealed. Why spend what little time there was left in Japan, when there were so many other things to see and do? Why not be bright and beautiful, with others to worship and adore her, willing, pathetic slaves to her whim if she only said the right things and acted the right way? Why not arrange the world the way she liked within her power?

Most of all, why not indulge herself in any way she chose? At the height she’d reached, there were very few who would turn her down, and anything else she took a fancy to was within her reach. There was no reason not to do whatever she wanted. After all, in a few short years, she would be gone, nothing but an insubstantial vision for those who remembered her as the angel she pretended to be and a bad memory for those who fell afoul of her. She chose to live life like a falling star—bright and real for a few short moments, and then nothing at all.

It must have been a constant undercurrent to her thoughts. It must have seemed like a big joke after a while; so young and fresh looking, and so old and cynical inside. That secret smile of hers was the result of years of looking in the mirror each day, checking to see whether she'd changed any during the night, and burying her worry under the hard, ironic humor of her situation. I saw her do it every day while she stayed with me. That, I think, was why she hated mornings so much. She was probably never honest about that even with herself.

At least she was cynical enough not to believe the promises I made her. I genuinely liked her and I didn't really want to hurt her, but there were too many reasons that I had to. She had a generous layer of armor around her hope and her heart, more than I had at her age, and she had the self control it took to think things through before believing or agreeing with them. I almost hoped she would drop out of the game—that way I no longer had reason to play with her, and she was safe from the others. We would find a new candidate for my assistant, perhaps not as suited, but adequate enough and someone I could easily sacrifice. The thought of what she could go through gave me pangs of conscience. I didn't like them.

I did what I had to anyway, when she didn't leave the game. That night, when she let me know that she’d found out some of what we weren’t supposed to let the new Duelists know, I began to realize that I’d underestimated her. I began to test her. Naturally, she retaliated, and the test became a sort of game, the lazy, playful feints of two cats that weren’t quite sure whether to fight or befriend each other. Without interference, I like to think that we would have come to an understanding and decided to let each other’s ‘territory’ alone. I truly would like to think that, but more realistically, there was always a large possibility that we would clash. Without interference, it would have been like balancing a coin on its edge to see which face landed up.

In Ohtori, the coin lands the way it is told to land.


The morning had gone well enough. Saionji had left early, saying that he would only let her practice mornings now because it was her worst time. If she could meet his standards when she was half-asleep and grumpy, she could excel when she was fully awake. He'd later admitted, grudgingly, that she hadn't slid back much while she'd been resting, and that she had a talent for the sword. Then he'd drilled her relentlessly until the noon bell had rung. She supposed even that little compliment had taken so much effort for him that he'd been forced to be nasty all morning to make up for it. No matter. If he displeased her too much, she could rein him in easily enough.

Sakura, Ichida, and Ayame were full of questions as to where she'd been for the last few days while they sat at one of the tables in the open-air lunchroom. The rest of her 'court' was partially in evidence, but this was a meeting of the nobles. The others truly weren't much of a hindrance; they helped to spread the rumors that she wanted spread, and generally kept quiet while she was talking.

"More Seitokai business?" Sakura asked teasingly. She'd noticed a hickey on Kohana's neck, and was needling her about it.

"No, not really. That was a part of it, but most of the time I was out of town. There's this great little spa I know of, and I decided I needed a little time to relax, so I just took it. Some pampering after all the work I've been doing was something I needed badly." She was still sort of annoyed that Touga and Saionji had forced her to stay away from school, but they'd more than made up for it. Last night had been one of the high points of her life.

"Lazy girl. Can't handle a little hard work," Ichida had pulled his beautiful face out of his magazines for once, and he joined in the teasing eagerly.

Sakura smacked the back of his head irritably. "You leave her alone, Ichida! I don't see you being chosen to join the Seitokai and breaking your neck learning how to swordfight just so that you have a chance at being the Seitokaicho."

"Sakura, don't. He's right. I couldn't handle the pace." Kohana smiled sheepishly. "I guess I'll never learn not to overdo it." Why bother, when overdoing it was so much fun?

"That's just one of your charms, Kohana. If everyone worked as hard at the things that were important to them, the world would be a much happier place." Ayame was always quick to leap to her defense—always. It was flattering, but Kohana could do it herself. She could forgive Ayame for that, though, as it was often a good way to turn a conversation away from a sensitive subject.

Ayame is such a fool, though. She never looks underneath things to see what's really there.

"Well, we're all glad you've done so well. It just seems like you're always with the Seitokai now." Sakura's tone held no complaint, just simple statement of fact. It was one of the reasons Kohana actually enjoyed her company instead of just tolerating it the way she did everyone else's.

Kohana made a face. "I know, I know, and I'm trying not to get too caught up in it, but it's not something I can let go of now, even for you. I just wish there were more hours in a day—but then, Saionji would still have me practicing for half of it." She let out a dissatisfied sigh, truthfully rather pleased at the way things were going. So far she had everyone exactly where she wanted them.

"I can believe it," Ichida said, smirking. "He seems like a jerk."

Rolling her eyes, Kohana said, "You have no idea. I got so mad at him! But we've kind of reached an understanding now. He's almost nice to be around, when he's not acting superior."

"And the Seitokaicho? What about him?" Ayame's eyes were round with awe. "I heard he's been away for a long time, too."

Feigning surprise, Kohana said, "Really? Well, he doesn't exactly check in with me, so I don't know. I saw him a couple times, though, and we did talk for a while. He's quite the gentleman when he's not surrounded by swarms of girls."

"Oh, all you did was talk, huh?" Sakura studied her nails, to all accounts intensely interested in whether her cuticles were dry or something.

"Sakura..." A teasing complaint entered Kohana's voice. Sakura was always the one to call her on a little white lie, but she knew better than to say anything about the big ones she noticed. It was good to have someone who understood that sometimes lies were necessary.

"Kohana..." Sakura mimicked her teasing tone perfectly.

They watched each other for a few moments, until Kohana burst out laughing. "Oh, all right. I did let him kiss me. But like I said, he was a perfect gentleman—“

A triumphant squeal preceded Sakura's remark. "I knew it! You just can't resist him, can you? You probably begged him or offered him money or something."

"I would never! I won't lower myself that way for anyone!" Kohana protested, but Sakura was already holding out her hand.

"Ichida, pay up. I won." Grumbling, Ichida dug a thousand yen out of his pocket and slapped it into her palm.

"I'm glad to know I'm a source of amusement to you," Kohana said dryly.

Sakura overacted gushing seriousness. "I live to be amused by you. Did your good mood suddenly disappear because I won the bet?"

Laughing, Kohana waved it off. "No, no. Just surprised. I thought you had your own life and didn't need to watch mine for entertainment."

"Your life gets more entertaining by the moment, Kohana. You can't blame us poor mortals who have to settle for going to class and normal boyfriends instead of joining the Seitokai and going to spas and flirting with the handsomest guys in school." Sakura was never bitter about their differences; once she had realized that Kohana shared everything she could, she'd become a devoted friend, settling for what she could have and ignoring the rest except to tease about it. It was good to have one person she could sort of trust.

Ichida pouted adorably. "What, I'm not good enough for you? I work my fingers to the bone so I can take you out and buy you presents, and you want a red-headed jerk with a motorcycle and a commitment problem?"

Kohana started laughing at that. That was certainly one way to describe Touga. "I think I'm going to tell him you said that."

Leaping to his defense, Sakura asked indignantly, "Hey, you want to get my boyfriend in trouble? If he's kicked out, Kohana, I'll make you pay for it!"

"I'm sure the Seitokai wouldn't expel Ichida over something so small—“ Ayame began, but was cut off by a cool voice.

"What are we expelling him for?" Arisugawa had come up behind Kohana. Damn it, all the Seitokai members walked on cat feet! She never heard them coming.

Instantly, everyone at the table fell silent except Kohana. She wouldn't let Arisugawa cut short her amusement. As Ichida whitened and Sakura frantically shook her head 'no', Kohana said, "He called the Seitokaicho a 'red-headed jerk with a motorcycle and a commitment problem'." Let her friends squirm for a few moments. Arisugawa probably didn't care either way about whether Touga's good name was slandered or not.

"I see." The stormy emerald eyes softened for a moment, and the lips quirked a little as she glanced at Ichida. "An apt description, though I wouldn't say it too loudly where he might hear you."

Everyone at the table besides Kohana breathed a collective sigh of relief. "I'll be sure not to, Arisugawa-sempai." Ichida was almost stuttering. How cute.

"Good. I need to speak to Kohana alone, so if you would please..." The table and those around them were empty almost as soon as she asked.

Kohana watched her friends and the rest of her court retreat, nodding to them when they said they'd be back later. What could Arisugawa possibly have to say to her? Unless, of course, the Seitokai members had already been warned that Kohana had found out more than she was supposed to. "There seems to be an empty chair or two here, Arisugawa-sempai. Have a seat."

Ooh, so it’s playtime, is it? You’ll regret this, Touga.

She did, seating herself with the grace of a panther and brushing back her orange curls. Kohana could see how she could be frightening, but she'd seen things that were scarier. "I've heard," Arisugawa began, "that you've been prying into things that don't concern you." She leaned back in her chair, easy and seemingly careless.

"No more than the Seitokai pried into my own life."

"Those medical reports were real, then? Miki, Saionji, and I never saw them until that day, and we certainly didn't read them. The Seitokaicho was the one that let us know of their content, while you were present." The intensity in Arisugawa's gaze was disconcerting. Such a relaxed demeanor, covering such readiness—those eyes alone would set her apart without the Seitokai uniform she wore. She could be a dangerous adversary.

"I don't care. You probably know my reasons, so you don't need to waste time trying to change my mind. I'll find out what it is you're hiding." Self-indulgent Kohana might be, but to mistake her self-indulgence for laziness or lack of willpower was fatal.

Arisugawa's face was unreadable. "You'll be happier in the end if you don't know."

"I'm touched by your concern, but I'll go to hell in my own way." Kohana's smile was reckless. "If that's all, Arisugawa—“

"It's not."

Shrugging, Kohana said, "I didn't think so. Go on, then," and rocked back in her chair.

The intense gaze suddenly became angry, fiercely so. So there were cracks in her armor—good to know. "Leave Miki and I out of your little games. We've had enough of being manipulated and scarred in a quest for something we couldn't have."

The front two legs of Kohana's chair hit the floor hard, and the grin left her face. "Finally, a direct word or two. I’m rather surprised, though, that you came to talk to me about it."

"And why is that?" Her face had relaxed back into calm, but the anger was still there, flickering under the surface.

She’s like a volcano—the outside is all rock and ice, and the inside boils and burns. I wonder what it would take to make her erupt?

"The Seitokaicho prefers plots to direct confrontation. I’m surprised that you bothered to come and accuse me on his word." Kohana let her dwell on that for a moment, and then said, "I suppose he didn't tell you how he found out that I knew."

"What does that matter?" Arisugawa narrowed her eyes, looking impatient.

"I asked him, straight out. I gave him the chance to tell me, so that I wouldn't have to resort to this, and I told him that I'd help him if I could. He refused. And then he likely told you only that I'd found out somehow, and that I would try my hardest to play with you like pieces on a chess board." Kohana smiled. "That I'd make you into my pawn, if I could."

I would, but she’s too dangerous. Better to stay away.

"Did Saionji tell you that?" The impatience and anger had been replaced by cool wariness.

"No. This is my game, Arisugawa. Don't tell me how to play it. If you don’t interfere, there’s no problem, is there?" As long as Touga offered lies and half-truths, Kohana could offer more truth and come out better.

“And why is it that you know so much about the Seitokaicho? You’ve barely met him, as far as I know…” Arisugawa trailed off, thinking for a few moments, and then her wariness dissolved into a faintly contemptuous smile. “I see. I’d wondered why he was away in the last few days.” She slowly stood, her derision barely visible. “I would suggest that you learn your game before trying to play it. The Seitokaicho is an expert, in his own way, and I suppose he already has a part of what he wanted from you.”

Underestimated again. Should I let her know it?

Kohana shrugged, and said, "Maybe." As Arisugawa turned away, she said, "And maybe I already have a part of what I wanted from him." She laughed softly.

Arisugawa hesitated a little, but didn't glance back before walking away. At least her words had hit the mark, though Arisugawa didn't seem to care either way. That was strange—evoking emotion was what she did best, whether it was adoration, hatred, jealousy, or anything else. As far as she knew, though, Arisugawa didn’t seem to be one of Touga’s little lackeys, and she certainly would be if she’d been charmed into submission by him. Perhaps charm had failed utterly with her? It was something to think on.

Kohana decided that she'd have to be on the lookout for Kaoru later on in the day, and she'd have to spend some more time gathering information about him. Arisugawa wouldn't approach her again unless she was forced to, so she was out of the way for a while; a welcome thought. There was no way that Kohana wanted her around, not when she was so perceptive and likely to be a problem. The next move was Kohana's... but first, some thought on what Touga could do to hinder her. He had a devious mind.

I like that.

Sakura was the first to approach again, nearly running up to Kohana before anyone else had made a move toward her. Seating herself in the chair next to Kohana, she said quietly, “Just a kiss, huh?” Her blue eyes twinkled with amusement.


“Come on, Kohana. At least tell me why I heard that you came to school with the Seitokaicho again before everyone else gets back too,” Sakura begged, her voice so low that no one else could have heard it.

Kohana smiled mysteriously. “I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it may incriminate myself and others,” she said.

“Others,” Sakura breathed, and then her eyes went wide. “Others?

“You heard me,” Kohana said, and then started to laugh. “But I can tell you this, as long as you never breathe a word of it to anyone,” she continued once her laughter had faded. This was one of the things that Sakura would never dare tell anyone. She never did when it involved sex. “He’s quite the gentleman when he’s not surrounded by swarms of girls, though he does tend to focus on the girl in the room.”

For a moment, Sakura just stared, and then she suddenly took a deep breath. “You’re so bad,” she said admiringly, and then laughed. “That’s so cool!